Glass House

Museum a real stink (cut from The Glass House 1/6/05)

A story that made The Glass House script but not the screen: Smelly Swedish herring gets museum

Sweden is opening a museum with the world’s finest collection of fermented Baltic herring. That’s right, it’s the fish they collect that makes Baltic Herring Museum the best.

Here in Australia, we’re opening the Museum of Flake, Scallops and Minimum Chips.

Here in Australia, we’re opening the Museum of Tins of Tuna; check out the Lemon Pepper exhibit. Just fascinating.

The museum is a way more fun than anyone expected: apparently the “Unrefrigerated herring” exhibit really goes off…

If the Herring Museum goes off as expected, they’ll be opening a gift shop, where you can buy some of the herring for yourself, along with herringbone suits and take-home jars of stench.

The Swedish genius in charge of creating the museum said (Swedish chef voice and actions) “Borka borka museuma borka herring borka borka”…

The herring is so stinky that it’s best opened outside while holding your nose. That’s why they’re sticking loads of them together inside in a confined space to attract visitors. Makes sense to me…

Herring are pleased with development. “At last we get the recognition we deserve,” said a spokesfish. “We haven’t been developing this repulsive odour for nothing!”

Plans are afoot for a cowpat museum next door…

Apparently the majority of Swedes don’t like taste of the herring. But then they don’t like the taste of dinosaur bones either and that hasn’t stopped their museum trips before.

Of course, the museum is just a distraction from the other real museums in Stockholm – it’s a red herring museum…

Other smelly museums to be opened include France’s “Old Cheese and Garlic Museum”, the USA’s “Hall of Jockstraps” and Australia’s very own “Museum of Immigration Policies”.

“We have to keep them in a museum,” one spokesman said. “No-one eats the bloody things.”

If you need help getting around the museum, they’re offering herring aids…

So next time you’re in Sweden, don’t race around. Stop and smell the roses. And the stinky herring.

By Wok and Mat

Warwick Holt and Mat Blackwell are long-time writing partners, who created the mega-award winning web series Bruce, and wrote loads of jokes for TV shows including Good News Week, The Sideshow and The Glass House. Several years of their raw material for those shows is posted right here on this blog.

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