Trophy: Sheik Yerbooti Memorial Explosive Logie (cut from The Glass House 1/6/05)

Some Holt & Blackwell authored material for the trophy segment cut from The Glass House re: a Sydney Morning Herald article “Fitting the Part”.

Iraqis living in America are being hired by the US Army to play insurgents and protesters in a new training program that aims to prepare troops for the war zone. They’re recreating the battlefields accurately; so far they’ve killed over 1500 trainees and tens of thousands of Iraqis just to get the right feel…

To make the situations seem more realistic, the hired Iraqis follow scripts on what to say and wear, and receive detailed training on how to scream and run around on fire.

This training program is thought to be more realistic than the last training program, when American Iraqis were hired to throw flowers to trainee soldiers, and offer up their babies to be kissed.

The Iraqis follow scripts on what to say and wear, when to riot and how to ambush US troops. When they finish this job they can apply these techniques in practical situations in Baghdad. Remember folks, the US trained Osama and Saddam too…

Call me crazy, but isn’t training Iraqis in ambush techniques just going to make them more effective in the battlefield – fighting us?

Sean Connery and Arnold Schwarzenegger are giving them lessons in portraying ethnic stereotypes…

And now all those unemployed Saddam doubles have a job!

Saddam himself has been chosen to do some acting – he gets to play the head of the insurgency.

An expert said, “It’s a lot cheaper than buying all those fake moustaches.”

The Iraqis just follow scripts. Now if only we could make that work in Iraq…

Iraqi actors are being sent back to Iraq to use their acting skills for the American cause – pretending there’s adequate water, electricity supplies, and hospitals…

Inspired by the move, Hollywood studios are now sending actors over to Iraq to play soldiers on the battlefield: Richard Gere even brought his own tea-towel…

And Bush won two Oscars…

Some of the scenes have been recorded and played to inmates at Abu Ghraib – it’s a captive audience…

Next time they won’t invade at all; they’ll just send a video…

Next time they won’t invade at all; they’ll just get a bunch of North Koreans to pretend to nuke Washington.

Meanwhile in Iraq, there’s an American contingent of actors pretending to liberate the Iraqi people and rebuild their infrastructure…

Meanwhile in Iraq, there’s a bunch of Americans being paid handsomely to pretend to do contract work…

…there’s military chiefs acting like there’s weapons of mass destruction…

…and in Washington, they’re all still pretending it wasn’t about the oil.

Iraqis are employing Americans as actors for their training videos too. Though we call them “hostages”.

The training videos have given them an idea for a great new reality show: Survivor:Baghdad – you don’t want to get voted off…

They’re setting the training to music, calling it “The Iraqi Horror Picture Show”… (sing to tune of Time Warp) “Just take the oil they’ve got left, with a shift to the ri-i-i-i-i-i-ight…”

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