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Kick out Kiwis (GNW 23/11/09: A Thousand Words)

Government MP Kelvin Thomson has suggested Australia’s population growth is best tackled by cutting immigration from New Zealand.  That way no-one can accuse them of racism.

Government MP Kelvin Thomson has suggested Australia’s population growth is best tackled by cutting unchecked immigration from New Zealand.  Because they’re certainly not asylum seekers – unless they’re just escaping the BOREDOM. / After all, you can’t claim you’re a refugee when all you’re escaping is BOREDOM.

No wonder we’re a backwards nation of racist arseholes – it’s all the bloody New Zealanders!

Turns out we don’t mind boatpeople if they’re white.

So now we know who the real queue-jumpers are.

So those sheep-lovers are the real queue-jumpers – which makes them woolly jumpers.

Worst of all, New Zealanders just won’t assumilate.

But really, maybe we can learn something from all the New Zealanders here.  After all, at least they aren’t still trying to wipe their indigenous people out. / have a treaty with their indigenous people.

They’re not only jumping the queue – they’re hutting it for sux.

They’re jumping the queue, mispronouncing the I, and ruining our Ps and quiet.

They take all our jobs, and worst of all, our vowels too.

And he’ll also launch a campaign of kicking out anyone who ends their sentences with “bro”.

Of course another way of handling our population growth is just to invade the Kiwis.

The trouble with New Zealanders is not just that they have an automatic right to live here, it’s that they never come on leaky boats and they blend right in!

So, all this time that the government’s been ranting on about protecting our borders from boat-people, they’ve been letting New Zealanders just wander in whenever they please?  How do we know they’re not terrorists, taking down our sports teams from the inside?

Government MP Kelvin Thomson says we should do away with our open-door policy to New Zealanders.  A flyscreen ought to keep them out.

Government MP Kelvin Thomson says we should do away with our open-door policy to New Zealanders.  Because New Zealanders are one group that we can happily be racist to.

New Zealanders make up almost a quarter of Australia’s migrant intake.  Which is weird; I would’ve thought if they were being persecuted by anyone, it would be us!

Many New Zealanders are legutimate ruffugees, fleeing persecution.  From Australians.

The only New Zealanders we want are your Russell Crowes, your John Clarkes, your Finn Brothers.  You know, the ones we can be proud of!

Pah, New Zealanders.  Coming here with their international points of view and open-mindedness.  Well we don’t want you!

It makes a mockery of the government’s pleas to New Zealand to take refugees off our hands.  They’ll pass through the Shaky Isles much quicker than Christmas Island!

New Zealanders can just wander in here any old how.  And it’s about time we kept them out, those vowel-terrorists!

But why NOT let em in?  We’ve got plenty of sheep to share. / We’ve got enough sheep for everybody.

In desperation, Sri Lankan refugees are now asking if anyone has any fush and chups.

By Wok and Mat

Warwick Holt and Mat Blackwell are long-time writing partners, who created the mega-award winning web series Bruce, and wrote loads of jokes for TV shows including Good News Week, The Sideshow and The Glass House. Several years of their raw material for those shows is posted right here on this blog.

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