U.N. Rudd (GNW 23/11/09: 12 Months in 7 Seconds)

Prime Minister Kevin Rudd makes an historic address at the U.N. General Assembly, an hour late to an empty room.  It was Kevin’s big moment & no-one was there.  Apart from a few New Zealanders making sheep noises. / doing armpit raspberries.

The U.N. Assembly members were also upset at the delay.  If Rudd had’ve been on time, they could have all left an hour earlier.

Prime Minister Kevin Rudd makes an historic address at the U.N. General Assembly, an hour late to an empty room.  It was almost like being at home, talking to the Coalition about climate change.

Rudd was an hour late, and spoke to an empty room.  So they missed his great blackface act.

He was talking to an empty house.  Which meant no-one saw his tears. / tantrum.

Although, it did give him a chance to tell all his favourite nigger jokes.

Seeing that he was only talking to New Zealand and Indonesia, Rudd loosened his tie, tossed away the script, and just blagged on for an hour about what a stinking shitpile the States is. / and invited everyone to accompany him to the nearest tittybar to get SMASHED.

Poor Rudd. It was such a humiliating experience that he spent the whole night crying into a stripper’s tits.

He didn’t mind. He was only really there for the canapes.

Still, at least those who were there were gently lulled to sleep.

Rudd’s late speech meant he missed Barack Obama’s party at the Metropolitan Museum. But Obama was the real loser – he missed Rudd’s riveting speech!

Our Kev is leaving no stone unturned in getting Australia on the international stage: the U.N., the G20, APEC, ASEAN, Copenhagen.   He’s been almost as effective at raising our international profile as some guy poking animals and going ‘crikey’.

Our Kev is leaving no stone unturned in getting Australia on the international stage: the U.N., the G20, APEC, ASEAN, Copenhagen.   And he’s shaking his saucebottle the whole way.

He’s our globetrotting, jet-setting international man of action!  He’s what James Bond would be like if he wasn’t attractive, wild, capable, daring, rugged, adventurous, or interesting in any way.

Our Kev is leaving no stone unturned in getting Australia on the international stage: the U.N., the G20, APEC, ASEAN, Copenhagen; you name it, Ruddy will be there.  He’s our globetrotting, jet-setting international man of action!  Or at least man of multilateral, nuanced discussions about procedures for achieving action-oriented outcomes.

The more international forums Rudd can get himself involved in, the more chance he can issue another apology.

As the year wound up, Rudd issued a whole new apology, to the “forgotten Australians”.  And it looks like next year he’ll be able to apologise to the future Australians whose lives are made a living hell by his failure to solve climate change as he promised.

Rudd loves his international travel, especially now that all his flights are filled with white meat.

Rudd loves being seen on the international stage.  Foreigners think expressions like “fair shake of the sauce bottle” are charming Aussie homilies, rather than sad, desperate inventions by an incommunicative nerd.

Rudd’s had some success raising Australia’s international profile.  The G20’s become a more major force and we could get a spot on the UN Security Council.  That should him plenty of excellent excuses for avoiding Australian issues.

Our Kev is leaving no stone unturned in getting Australia on the international stage: the U.N., the G20, APEC, ASEAN, Copenhagen; you name it, there’s no group of nations that Rudd can’t fail to agree with about climate change action.

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