Trophy: Dockers’ new recruit ‘Hassa’ (The Glass House 8/6/05)

Some understandably unused gags about an Age article related to this one: Dockers find humour in Hasselhoff hoax

Hasslehoff is just who the Dockers need on their forward line. KITT could be coach.

The cybervandals were going to use KITT but couldn’t fit the guernsey on…

I’m looking forward to when they start replacing all footballers with Baywatch stars. And play it on the beach.

More disturbingly, Sam Newman and Eddie McGuire have been edited in to the latest episode of Baywatch. Sam gives Eddie mouth-to-mouth in nothing but his tiny red speedos. And you thought nothing could be more sickening than the acting.

But the Hoff’s not the only player to have mysteriously appeared on the fake website. Other players include Mr T, Starsky, Hutch, Punky Brewster, Magnum P I, Quincey M D, Scarecrow and Mrs King. (or …B J and The Bear.)

Since joining the Dockers, Hasslehoff’s brought in a couple of other new recruits too…

Hasselhoff’s agreed to play Aussie Rules only if they agree to keep the bounce… he loves the bounce.

The Hoff wanted to have his own footy team, the Hasslehoff Hoffs. But it had to close owing to lack of players. No-one was willing to wear the tiny red speedos and grow the curly boof. Except for Warwick Capper.

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