GNW Award Nominations: Sauce Bottle for Entertainment

Clare Werbeloff, the “Chk Chk Boom” girl, for services to fat wogs, skinny wogs & their fully sick boys.

Proof that modern journalists would rather talk to a pretty girl than CHECK THEIR FACTS. / DO ACTUAL JOURNALISM.

Proof that modern journalists would rather be first with the news, than report what’s actually happening.

After all, she got famous, and no-one ended up caring about the actual shooting.

Who proved that all you need to get a career on television is to be a lying, racist scumbag! / showpony!

Who showed us that the fast-track to hosting your own TV show is to prove up front that you can tell sensationalist lies.

She’s a real chk-chk-head!

I never would’ve thought bogans were so creative.

****

Twitter, the social network which continues to prove every day that opposable thumbs are not a right, they’re a privilege.

Sad to say, your life doesn’t suddenly become any less shit-boring just because you write it down. / put it on the net.

Though at last we can find out what the Prime Minister’s having for breakfast.

Now everyone can have digital Tourette’s!

Speaking of which, I have a very interesting story to tell you about what I ate for lunch – it was delicious!  (NOMNOMNOM!)

As well as proving that giving some people 140 characters to express themselves is about 137 characters too many.

Do you think, maybe, when they called it Twitter, they were trying to warn you?

Actually, I’m Tweeting right now… “I’m… Tweeting… right… now… LOL!”

It’s a great way to meet up with other people who have the same blend of OCD and rampant egotism. / who have the same interests as you.  Namely, posting up the entirety of the bland minutia that make up their tedious uneventful lives.

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Our dear friends at the ABC, who managed to turna 2 minute Chaser sketch into a political witch-hunt,& at the end of it all, punished the wrong witch.

But at least it was a Realistic Witch.

And you know what?  Those kids are STILL going to die anyway.

Next time the ABC will run all their jokes past the general public before they air them.

But someone had to lose their job.  Otherwise more children would die.

Looks like the Chaser should’ve made a more realistic wish.

Strange that the Make A Realistic Wish sketch would end up being the most caring and sensible part of the whole debacle.

If only they’d sacked the dying kiddies…

And might I add that I’m very glad that middle Australia concentrated their hate on the Chaser and didn’t, you know, watch Good News Week.

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And Richard Wilkins, for his fine work on the morning of Michael Jackson’s passing.  Not only did he announce that Jeff Goldblum was dead too, the “Today” show also played an old montage of Jacko which finished with Richard’s voice-over: “This man is a unique talent,we can’t wait to see what he comes up with next.”

Turns out it was maggots.

Well, if Goldblum can keep working, why not Jacko?

And why not?  Wilkins himself has managed a successful media career for over 20 years without a brain. / with brain-death.

Well done, Wilko.  Your sheer cockheadedness is at long last a global phenomenon.

But I tell you what, the zombie Jeff Goldblum’s career has really taken off. / has gone from strength to strength.

Sadly Dickie’s report of his own demise also proved to be ill-informed.

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