Warnie gets mobile phone implanted to save time.
Warnie receiving a particularly steamy SMS beamed right into his cortex.
This year’s Ashes tour is only being broadcast on brain-cable TV.
Warnie’s new hair replacement a success, though I would’ve thought a toupee was less conspicuous.
The new domestic cyborg Warnie – you’ll never have to bowl your own googlies again!
Aliens said to be well-advanced in intergalactic leg-spinning conquest.
Warnie’s new hardware upgrade includes a permanent vacant stare setting.
Warnie invents the world’s first combination barbeque-hat.
World’s first mind control device “so small it’s barely there”.
Warnie stunned by dream-recording device: “I’m a sicko!”
Warnie tries new extra-extra-extra-strength nicotine patches
Warnie tries new device to inject nicotine directly into brain – “It makes me feel normal again!”
The English cricket team accuses the Australians of “Warne-tampering”.
Never, ever feed Tom Cruise after midnight.
Never, ever feed a Scientologist after midnight.
The War of the Worlds’ final scene: victory of the Martians!
Rain Man finally dies.
The winner of Scientologist Idol.
Tom Cruise victorious at Scientology-oke, singing the Rose Tattoo song “We Can’t Be Thetan”.
“I’m a Level 99 Thetan! I’ve clocked it!”
Tom Cruise finally clocks Scientology.
Tom Cruise shows how he gave Katie Holmes pash-rash.
Tom Cruise converts Katie Holmes to Scientology.
“The Thetans will RULE THE EARTH!”
The last person who remembers Tom in Legend dies.
International laws passed making the use of quotes from Top Gun in conversation illegal.
Benedict plans to be first Pope on Mars.
Pope Benedict sets his goals high: to extinguish the Fires of Hell!
New Pope wears entirely new silly hat.
Pope Benedict decides to become a Fireman instead.
The evil Emperor disguises himself as a humble stormtrooper.
The new Popeman celebrates his first vanquishing of evil with a new hat.
Surprise extra member for the Village People
Pope decides better way to distrubute holy water to the masses is through high-pressure firehose
Vatican cutbacks; Pope now entire fire department
Slow news day: Pope wears different hat.