Glass House

Boomers keep toy trains on a roll (The Glass House 15/6/05)

At last, a story with a link: Boomers keep toy trains on a roll

More than three-quarters of the world’s model train sales are thanks to adult collectors… because kids these days are more interested in things like excitement and fun.

Microsoft are releasing a new model train simulation to try to recapture the kids’ market – X-Train 360. It’s boring in a new, high-tech way!

The new model train phenomenon is taking away kids from their computers and x-boxes. In fact, it’s stopping all Playstations…

But there is a resurgence in model trains amongst children. Especially children with nerdy model-train-loving parents…

Kids are getting back into model trains – especially after Madrid taught them how to up the excitement factor…

Kids are getting into model trains – but only those extra-tiny kids who can squeeze into the miniature carriages.

Kids are beginning to realise that computerised simulations of explosions just aren’t as cool as real-life train wrecks!

Why a train set is better than a computer game:
o You can tie Barbie to the tracks
o You can be a giant, and stomp the shit out of all those tiny imaginary commuters
o The computer doesn’t crash halfway through. Unless you tie it to the tracks with Barbie…
o Teenage boys can have plenty of fun with the tunnels…

Tiny digital hardware products now produce the exact whistlings and scrapings of a real train, as well as extra-realistic vandalism sounds from the passengers inside, and hi-fi cancellation announcements at the stations.

The most expensive train costs over $50 thou and is made of solid gold. You can ride it at Neverland…

The most expensive train costs over $50 thou and is made of solid gold. But you can only ride it if you find a golden ticket…

The most expensive train costs over $50 thou and is made of solid gold. The second-most expensive train costs just under $10 thou, and is made by the Solid Gold dancers. Oh god, please kill me.

I ordered a train set – but it was cancelled, so I had to order another one. And when it finally arrived, it was full, so I had to stand…

In fact, the older you get, the more into model trains you become. Many old folk get their pensions paid in carriages.

Neil Young is putting his knowledge of electronic music into designing soundtracks for new model trains. If you’ve never heard a train do a four-hour feedback solo, now’s your chance.

Neil Young is one of the most avid model railway collectors in the world. It’s time he changed his name to Neil Old.

New models are becoming more realistic, including a train set of the London Underground. It doesn’t have any trains, but who’d know?

The new Madrid train set comes with free explosives, and your very own election to lose.

By Wok and Mat

Warwick Holt and Mat Blackwell are long-time writing partners, who created the mega-award winning web series Bruce, and wrote loads of jokes for TV shows including Good News Week, The Sideshow and The Glass House. Several years of their raw material for those shows is posted right here on this blog.

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