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Good News Week

Shot-Gun (GNW 7/9/09: What’s The Story?)

One of the quickest drinks in the world – the simple shot – just got quicker, thanks to the “Alcohol Shot Gun” – also known as the “fun-gun”, “piss-pistol”, and “chunder-blunderbuss”. / “chunderbluss”.

Of course, real men drink from a semi-automatic. / a rocket launcher. / a Magnum.

And if someone makes a deadly mistake and uses a real gun instead, we call it “evolution”.

It’s the weapon of choice for al Qaida – killing the Western imperialists with their own iniquity!

And of course, like a regular gun, you can use it to commit suicide – it just takes a bit longer.

The perfect weapon for killing off those damn pink elephants! / fire pixies!

There are already calls for it to be banned in Australia. Or at least made a bit bigger. / made big enough to fit a can of Fosters.

See, it’s shaped like a gun, so it’s extremely masculine. Even though it does look a bit like you’re being jizzed in the gob by a big grey cock. / like you’re giving a blowjob to a gay robot. / like the money shot in a robot porno.

“Stop! Or I’ll render you pleasantly intoxicated!”

Now you can use firearms with little risk of anything worse than a skol fracture.

It’s definitely the most convenient way to get your belly-button pissed.

Of course it doesn’t do any real damage. Although too many of them can result in a minor explosion.

For a big night out, they also offer the keg-cannon. One shot and you’re obliterated!

Why go to all that effort for one shot? What I want to see is a keg with a watercannon!

Of course a gun shooting neat spirits is mainly for the boys. Chicks should stick to champagne, sprayed on them while they booty-dance!

But be very careful – too many shots and you might mix up your shotguns.

Being peppered with shot has never been so incapacitating!

I think it’s nice, using mean old guns for a good cause like drunkenness.

Finally, someone turning guns into something positive.

You can get it as a shot-gun, or a pump-action semi-paralytic.

Awesome! The next high school massacre could be a kegger! / a massive par-tay!

Finally, there’s a pistol that actually gets you pist.

There have been complaints that it recklessly combines alcohol and firearms, but supporters are loading up guns to fight for their right to party.

There have been complaints that it recklessly combines alcohol and firearms. But at least it only fires more alcohol.

It’s a much better idea than the tinny that blows your head off. / that fires bullets.

Of course there have been lots of complaints. It’s just irresponsible – think of all the spillage!

It really takes all the back-breaking labour out of pouring yourself a shot.

Now correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t it actually quicker to just pour yourself a shot and drink it? Not to mention less risk of accidentally blowing your face off. I call that a win-win!

The perfect weapon for the war on braincells.

By Wok and Mat

Warwick Holt and Mat Blackwell are long-time writing partners, who created the mega-award winning web series Bruce, and wrote loads of jokes for TV shows including Good News Week, The Sideshow and The Glass House. Several years of their raw material for those shows is posted right here on this blog.

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