Men between 60 and 69 are most at risk from a deadly scourge – deaths due to do-it-yourself. But I guess, if you’re gunna die, die DIY.
By all means, do it yourself – just make sure you get someone to do it yourself for you.
Some call it a tragedy, some call it evolution.
Of course it’s the 60-pluses who die more in DIY injuries. Post-retirement free time, a meagre pension and encroaching dementia is a lethal cocktail.
Sure, they may be a little doddery, but I still find them so much better at roof-repair than toddlers are.
Of course, an old man falling off a roof is only a tragedy if you aren’t filming.
Of course the scary fatality statistics don’t even take account of all those near-misses, also known as “Australia’s Funniest Home Videos”.
Despite the high number of DIY deaths, ironically older people have a low suicide rate. That’s another job they keep botching.
Older people are more anxious about entrusting contractors to do jobs for them. They’d rather die than pay some other bastard.
So let’s hope older men take some notice of this, and hire trained professionals to die for them.
When will old people realise – they are completely useless at everything. / their useful days are behind them.
No wonder “My Way” is so popular at funerals, with so many dying doing it their way.
DIY deaths are defined as deaths were the tasks could or should have been done by a professional. Or at least someone alive.
The most common causes of DIY death were falling from ladders or rooftops, lopping and chopping trees, and cars slipping from jacks onto home handymen. Admittedly the problem there is probably less the age of the handyman than that of the jack.
The only upside to this is that people often end up with a sterling job, thanks to the single-minded focus of their zombie selves.
The upside to this of course is that these guys end up with a great job, mending halos in Heaven. Awwwww. / replacing the roof-bats and fixing the reception up in Heaven. Awwwww.
But is it any surprise that older men aren’t so good with their tools anymore?
When you get older, it seems you don’t just lose the ability to use ONE tool…
It’s all the fault of DIY TV shows. Understandably, most people think they’re capable of anything that can be done by that idiot Scott Cam. / those idiots on “Domestic Blitz”.
Of course, the elderly can be hospitalised just having a shower. So being crushed by a car can prove quite nasty.
Older men often don’t trust contractors to do work for them, damn whippersnappers with all their fancy “qualifications” – in my day, any man worth their salt could build a central heating system out of tin cans and twine…
Television DIY shows sucked many people into thinking home maintenance tasks were easy. And because of Dr Harry, far too many people stick their hands up cats’ bums.
Of course the statistics don’t even include the number of people who have died when their badly-patched rooves collapsed on them.
The issue is so serious that a Victorian state coroner has recommended a safety campaign for older men. Because there’s nothing older men like more than being lectured to by the young’uns. / being told what to do and how to do it. / than being nagged by the telly.
The secret to surviving rooftop falls is, of course, to stay drunk. So my dad will be fine.
There’s nothing worse than having your old dad fall off the roof while he’s tiling. You know how expensive professionals are?
Men between 60 and 69 are most at risk from falling from ladders and rooftops, chopping down trees, and trying to fix the car. And the single linking cause behind men performing all these dangerous tasks seems to be WIVES. / seems to be their wives. “Ooh, we’ll have to do something about that tree, it’s dropping leaves all over the roof, they’re filling up the guttering – oh, while you’re up there, fix the reception, I can’t see that Bondi Vet properly.”
