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The 3 million dollar camel (Good News Week 28/4/08: Perfect Match)

Dubai’s crown prince has paid a record US$2.7 million for the world’s most beautiful camel. It’s worth it for the humping.

It may well be the most beautiful camel in the world, but it’s still a fuckin camel.

Dubai’s crown prince has paid a record US$2.7 million for the world’s most beautiful camel. And the second-most beautiful camel is running for the US presidency.

I don’t know which is more attractive, their three inch nostrils or the way they show their teeth when they snort.

She’s a beautiful lady camel, otherwise known as a camella.

The camel won a beauty contest over 17,000 other contenders. The camels were judged on skin colour, quality of hump, and how far they can spit.

Judging the quality of hump is the most difficult part of the judging. Sometimes the camel’s just not in the mood.

The beauty pageant not only judges the camels on their heads, necks, lips, noses and humps, but you really haven’t lived until you’ve experienced the swimsuit section.

The swimsuit section showed off an outstanding array of camel-toes.

The final round in the camel contest is pushing it through the eye of a needle.

Of course, the most important part of the camel beauty pageant is how well they answer the questions.

Many of the camels were first discovered on the Emirates game show “So You Think You Can Spit”.

Sheik Hamdan bin Mohammed bin Rashid al-Maktoum paid $US4.5 million for 16 camels, one for each of his names.

It’s such an expensive camel that Sheik Hamdan is taking it straight home and getting it stuffed.

The camel may be the ship of the desert – but for that price, he could’ve got three actual ships, and most of the desert.

Unfortunately some camels are taking the beauty contests too seriously, and becoming bulimic. And it takes a lot of vomiting to get a slim, toned hump.

Bulemic camels are at great risk of death, particularly by choking on their big sandy foot.

The royal family own an undisclosed number of camels. Let’s just say they’ve created an artificial lake out of their spit.

Camels are revered by the Dubai royal family for their endurance, loyalty and passive acceptance of cock.

The camel costs so much because it doesn’t spit – it swallows.

The sheik was disappointed to discover when he got home that she was actually a male camel in drag.

It is an expensive camel, but its hump is full of gold! / cognac. / 1998 Grange Hermitage.

Some men will pay anything for a good hump.

It is an expensive camel. But, you know, with water restrictions… / But you know, with water restrictions being what they are, a good big hump is priceless.

It’s not that expensive. It only cost twice as much as his favourite wife.

Abu Dhabi’s ruling family organise the camel beauty contest as a way of preserving the nomadic way of life. And then buy all the best camels for themselves, so the other nomads have to walk. / And not just because they have a thing for camels.

Abu Dhabi’s ruling family organise the camel beauty contest as a way of preserving the nomadic way of life. The winning camel owners get a car, somewhat undermining their intent.

It sounds a lot for a camel, but it IS the one from the Toyota ads that can drive cars.

The middle-eastern contest has proven so popular that Miss Universe is thinking of adding a “cameltoe” section.

Incidentally the water a camel stores in his hump can feed a human beauty contest winner for a year.

By Wok and Mat

Warwick Holt and Mat Blackwell are long-time writing partners, who created the mega-award winning web series Bruce, and wrote loads of jokes for TV shows including Good News Week, The Sideshow and The Glass House. Several years of their raw material for those shows is posted right here on this blog.

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