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Rudd: Suits You Sir (Good News Week 2/6/08: Warren)

Kevin Rudd hires a stylist. And he still looks like that. / That means his nerd-look is deliberate.

He also has someone to help him look good naked.

In fact it was the stylist that suggested he go to Scores.

It was the stylist that helped Rudd win the election, with their strict policy of no tracksuits.

Apparently Rudd employs a single stylist, but he’d prefer not to. He’d actually much rather have a committee. / He’d actually much rather have the 1000 best and brightest stylists in the country. / He’d actually much rather be told what tie to wear by Australian working families.

He may speak Chinese, but he needs help with his Thai.

Not only does he have a stylist, but he has someone to dunk his Iced Vovos.

Brendan Nelson is jealous that Rudd gets to have a stylist. Brendan doesn’t even have a style.

How can Rudd have a stylist when he doesn’t have a style?

His stylist basically chooses suits and ties for him. Because he doesn’t want to look like this:
Hawkie at his best

Kevin’s instructions to his stylist were simple. He just gave him a picture of Mr Sheen.

Well, you wanna look your best when you’re regularly meeting with world leaders – and you never know when you’ll get lucky at the titty bar! / stripclub! / with one of the pole-dancers!

Without a stylist, Rudd would still be wearing a codpiece and spats. / would still be walking around in his green-and-gold tracksuit. / would still be walking around in his blue singlet, stubbies and moccos, with a beer in one hand and a fag in the other. / would still be in his jarmies.

His stylist demands that Kevin’s ties always match his backdrop. (See http://www.crikey.com.au/Politics/20070820-The-Kevin-Rudd-tactic-go-for-the-throat.html) Rumour is, he’s being dressed by a chameleon.

Brendan Nelson also hired a stylist, but unfortunately there was nothing they could do about his giant forehead.

Unfortunately Therese still dresses herself.

Rudd was going to work with high-profile fashion stylist Jo Ferguson, who has worked with designer Charlie Brown, until he realised that it wasn’t the same Charlie Brown from the Snoopy comics.

Rudd’s office avoided answering questions about who the stylist is. Rudd doesn’t mind, it’s just the stylist would rather not be known as Stylist to the Nerds.

GQ’s fashion editor said Rudd’s choice of RM Williams with a suit wasn’t really de rigeur, but he was supporting an iconic Aussie brand. And it’s a better choice than smearing his face with Vegemite.

GQ’s fashion editor said Rudd’s choice of RM Williams with a suit wasn’t really de rigeur, but he was supporting an iconic Aussie brand. Same reason he had the Speedos on.

By Wok and Mat

Warwick Holt and Mat Blackwell are long-time writing partners, who created the mega-award winning web series Bruce, and wrote loads of jokes for TV shows including Good News Week, The Sideshow and The Glass House. Several years of their raw material for those shows is posted right here on this blog.

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