Clowns, Losers, Screwballs and Halfwits (Good News Week 23/2/09: monologue)

Liberal MP Mal Washer said that freezing MPs’ salaries was “crazy”, and that without proper pay, there was a risk only “clowns”, “losers”, “screwballs” and “halfwits” would want to enter politics. As opposed to reasonable, literate people like Mal Washer. / Because of course at the moment they accept nothing but certified geniuses. (humorous pictures of our leaders looking like fucktards)

Liberal MP Mal Washer said that low pay scales for MPs would end up attracting clowns. Though on the plus side it should also save on their petrol allowance, what with them all being able to fit in one car.

Liberal MP Mal Washer said that low pay scales for MPs would end up attracting clowns. At least they might be able to juggle the economy. / Which, in these days of doom and gloom, is exactly who we need to cheer us up.

Nationals Senator Barnaby Joyce said that the pay freeze was symbolism because Rudd’s economic stimulus package had failed. But really, everyone knows if you give more money to MPs they’re just going to spend it at the pokies.

But, with the economy and environment both up shit creek, I say give the halfwits and screwballs a crack!

Unfortunately, with the global financial crisis driving everyone’s pay down, it looks like most jobs will be filled with clowns, losers, screwballs and halfwits. So at least we’ll be electing one of our own.

Washer’s right. If MPs salaries are kept low, it’ll only attract the power-mad, as opposed to the power-and-money-mad.

Washer said that without proper pay there was a risk only “clowns”, “losers”, “screwballs” and “halfwits” would want to enter politics. As opposed to “greedy”, “money-grubbing”, “brown-nosing” “egomaniacs”.

Washer said that without proper pay there was a risk only “clowns”, “losers”, “screwballs” and “halfwits” would want to enter politics. And then the Labor Party would have no distinguishing features.

Washer said that without proper pay there was a risk only “clowns”, “losers”, “screwballs” and “halfwits” would want to enter politics. Which is funny, because that’s actually the dictionary definition of “politicians”.

But maybe that’s what’s missing from Parliament: people representing the clown, loser, screwball and halfwit demographic.

We don’t want clowns, losers, screwballs and halfwits becoming politicians. We need them for the police force! / Then who’d join the army? / We don’t want all our guests to be MPs.

Of course politicians need their pay-rise! Sure, it might be the sort of irresponsible cronyism/corruption that plunges us into recession, but at least we won’t be attracting halfwits into politics.

It’s all very well for Rudd to take a wage freeze, but not every politician is married to a multi-millionaire.

Rudd earns over three hundred thousand dollars a year, so he’s really just rubbing it in – “I’m so rich I don’t even want a pay rise”.

Rudd is happy to take a wage freeze – his wife is a millionaire. Nyah nyah!

We approached Ms Rein for comment, but she was too busy snorting caviar off the chests of her man-slaves. / but she was too busy kicking lollypops out of the hands of homeless kiddies. / but she was too busy rolling around in her piles of cash.

In further signs of restraint, Rudd has vowed to stop lighting cigars with hundred dollar bills.

Rudd’s suggested freeze on politician’s wages is an important method of averting recession, and is accompanied by a new economic stimulus package that will give an extra 100,000 dollars to people called Therese.

I can understand Barnaby’s position. After all, it’s sad seeing so many politicians now having to work part-time in cleaning jobs just to get by.

It’s going to be hard for politicians to adjust. Eating the second-most expensive caviar, riding in cut-price limousines, and being forced to leave their chandeliers un-dusted – it’s going to be real tough.

It’s actually good for the MPs – only by freezing their wages will they still qualify for government economic stimulus handouts.

But I thought to avoid recession the government had to increase spending. Shouldn’t Rudd be giving all MPs as much money as possible?

So the way to avoid a recession is to give everyone big government handouts. Except people actually in government. They have to tighten their belts!

Imagine the election of the future: do you vote for the clown, the loser, the screwball or the halfwit? Or as they’re known now, Labor, the Greens, the Libs or the Nationals?

You don’t really need more halfwits in Parliament when you’ve got the Nationals. Or losers when you have the Greens. Or screwballs – the Liberals fill that role. And then there’s the clowns in government…

So in the future, all MPs will be clowns, losers, screwballs, halfwits or people with millionaire spouses.

But all MPs are clowns, losers, screwballs, or halfwits already – it’s just that some of them have millionaire spouses.

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