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Good News Week

Good Next Week (Good News Week 9/3/09: closing)

Tues, March 10
Tomorrow, the inquiry into the 2008 Freedom of Information Bill will report, and that’s the last we’ll hear of that.

The inquiry into the 2008 Freedom of Information Bill will report. Although they’re not telling anyone where…

Tomorrow, the inquiry into the 2008 Freedom of Information Bill will report, and if you ask me, it’s about time Information Bill was freed. He has so much to teach us.

Wed, March 11
On Wednesday, Federal Finance Minister Lindsay Tanner will be at the National Press Club, handing out buckets of money to those in attendance.

Thurs, March 12
Thursday till Saturday is The World’s Greatest Shave, where you can shave or colour your hair to raise money for leukaemia. Or you could just have chemo. / have the damn chemo.

Thursday till Saturday is The World’s Greatest Shave, shave or colour your hair to raise money for leukaemia. Unfortunately if you’ve just had chemo, you can’t participate. A bit insensitive.

Shave your hair for the Lukemia Foundation’s World’s Greatest Shave. Or if you don’t want to shave it, try colouring it some shade of malignant.

Thursday is World Kidney Day, the best day of the year to knee your kids.

Thursday is World Kidney Day, followed by Spleen Week and Month of Lungs.

National Career Development Week will go nowhere.

National Career Development Week will have a change of heart and become National New Direction Week.

Pete Doherty will turn 30 and his veins will turn 98.

The 2009 Taste of Sydney will turn out to be very poor indeed. / superior with a hint of smug.

The 2009 Taste of Sydney will be poorly timed coming just after Mardi-Gras, or as it’s sometimes known, the Tasteless of Sydney.

Fri, March 13
Friday brings Round One of the NRL, and rugby players will be at long last be back off the streets.

Friday at long last brings Round One of the NRL. Some of those players were getting dangerously close to developing empathy, sensitivity and intelligence.

Sat, March 14
On Saturday, Sydney hosts the Travel Xpo, that’s spelt “X-P-O”. The “E” has been the victim of cutbacks.

The list of the world’s billionaires will be announced, otherwise known as the list to be targeted if you want to catch the star ark when the apocalypse comes.

Sun, Mar. 15
World Consumer Rights Day – ideal for returning stuff that you’ve grown sick of.

This year’s Melbourne Fashion Festival will explain why Melburnians wear so much black. They’re burnt.

The latest trend at the Melbourne Fashion Festival will once again be black, but this time with added crispy! / crispiness!

Mon, Mar. 16
The inquiry into alcopops is due in Canberra. Apparently, they’re just like lolly water! Yum!

Melbourne’s Ozwater 09 conference will hear about the tragic water shortages. There won’t be a wet eye in the house.

By Wok and Mat

Warwick Holt and Mat Blackwell are long-time writing partners, who created the mega-award winning web series Bruce, and wrote loads of jokes for TV shows including Good News Week, The Sideshow and The Glass House. Several years of their raw material for those shows is posted right here on this blog.

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