And as the dust of the Budget settles over Canberra, we can look at a familiar scene: Rudd’s the new Howard, Nelson’s the new Beazley, and Swan’s the new Costello but with an even sillier face. Any hope we might have had of a Labor government being green has been dashed by a Budget that […]
Month: June 2008
Researchers say that babies are having their development retarded by watching TV. On the other hand they do learn far more annoying jingles. So it’s a mixed bag. Most parents don’t interact with babies while they’re watching TV. Well what’s the point of TV if you have to keep interacting with the bloody kids? But […]
In the past 12 months, 728 Victorian schools have been granted temporary liquor licenses. It’s great for fund-raising, community spirit, and the Principal’s liquor cabinet. It turns out that the school spirit is whiskey. So that creepy guy hanging around your school is probably your dad on a bender. / the principal. The liquor licenses […]
Australian scientists have successfully transplanted a gene of the extinct Tasmanian Tiger into mouse-embyros, and say that, theoretically, they will one day be able to bring the Thylacine back to life. Because that might distract us from the world going to shit. Great! Now, why exactly did we need Tassie Tigers again? I don’t think […]
Church of England leaders are encouraging clergy to study Dr Who and use examples in their sermons. Seems that the old Bible stories don’t have enough lasers. / daleks. Church leaders say Dr Who is kinda like Christ, the Tardis is kinda like a church, and K-9 is kinda like the robot dog that Jesus […]
Tues, May 27 On Tuesday it’s 3 years since Schapelle Corby was convicted of drug trafficking, and she’ll drown her sorrows with a mug of filthy prison wine. It’s made from real fermented rats! It’s three years since Schapelle Corby was convicted, and Aussie backpackers everywhere will swear off marijuana and get onto untrialled experimental […]
Rudd government ministers are being charged $1300 each per annum to pay for snacks in cabinet meetings, up from $50 under the previous government. And that’s even with Kim Beazley retired. Rudd government ministers are being charged $1300 each per annum to pay for snacks in cabinet meetings. But larks’ tongues aren’t cheap. / But […]
Troublesome patients are being forced to sign behaviour contracts in order to stay in hospital. In return, doctors have to sign contracts ensuring they don’t give you a liver transplant when you come in for an ingrown toenail. Troublesome patients are being forced to sign behaviour contracts in order to stay in hospital. Doctors, however, […]
There’s a huge boom in children’s etiquette classes, particularly in America. Rude kids? In America? Don’t know where they’d get that from. Rather than cutlery and curtsies, the curriculum nowadays stresses social skills and common courtesy, including handshakes, helpfulness, and when to blow someone away in Halo. Rather than cutlery and curtsies, the curriculum nowadays […]
In South Korea, they’ve cloned seven sniffer dogs. Which is fantastic – dogs are so hard to come by any other way. Cloned dogs are great cloned-sheep-dogs. / at rounding up cloned sheep. They’ve been specially bred for rounding up Dolly. Unfortunately they can only all smell the same thing. In South Korea, seven cloned […]