Australian homes are the least hygenic in the developed world, according to a new study. Mind you, the only other developed countries studied were the UK, the US, Germany, South Africa and Saudi Arabia. So I’m sure we’re still ahead of France and Spain.
Only India and Malaysia returned worse results. And they still have the plague.
Kitchen cloths were our worst offenders, with 95 per cent highly contaminated. We’d clean them up – but what with?
The Hygiene Council say that Australian kitchens are among the filthiest places in the developed world. Particularly if the radio’s tuned to Kyle and Jackie O.
We’re not unhygienic – we’re just trying to grow our own penicillin.
But they only tested 20 homes in each country. Next time, hopefully they won’t choose homes in Frankston. / Adelaide.
95 per cent of Australian kitchen cloths are heavily contaminated. Next time, folks, when the Hygiene Council call round, throw out the bong-cleaning cloth.
I think we should wear it with pride. Clearly we’re saving water and resources. And if we all die of malaria – well, then we’ll save even more water and resources!
According to some new bullshit survey, Australia is the third most unhygienic country in the world. Yeah, but can they play cricket like us? Huh?
Yeah, but what’s so great about hygiene anyway? Can you bet on it? Nah. Can you get pissed with it? Nah. Can you root it? Nah. Seems bloody useless to me!
When our brave diggers were off fighting for this great land, did they go into the trenches with a can of a Glen 20 and a Toilet Duck? I DON’T THINK SO.
When Burke and Wills were off exploring this wide brown continent, do you think they got stuck in the desert coz they were giving every grain of sand a thorough Jiffing?
Well, at least we’re higher up the list than those filthy Indians, eh?
Why do you think we drink so much? It’s to kill all the germs. / We’re disinfecting!
The Hygiene Council advises cleaning cloths at least once a week with disinfectant or in boiling water, using separate cloths for washing up and wiping kitchen surfaces, using paper towels for the dirtiest areas, and only using the toilet paper the one time. / and putting a cork in your arse. / and not shitting on the kitchen bench. NOW they tell us!
No wonder we’re the global capital of swine flu – we live like pigs!
Before the next survey, hopefully we’ll either have cleaned up, or gone on a world tour and deposited our dirty cloths in the kitchens of the world.
Us Aussies could teach the world a lesson in living in squalor without whinging about it like some sooky Hygiene Council.
Turns out we don’t just like dirty jokes and dirty weekends – we’re just bloody dirty.
Come on though – we’re a buncha convicts! Next time, colonise us with a boatload of nuns. / housekeepers. / housekeeping robots.
Contaminated cloths lurk in our kitchens, but our toilets are spotlessly clean. Clearly, I’m doing the right thing by cooking in the crapper and shitting in the kitchen.
Pah! Next they’ll be telling us not to store our fruit and vegetables in shit!
The Hygiene Council say that Australian kitchens are among the filthiest places in the developed world. People – keep it in the bedroom.
The Hygiene Council say that Australian kitchens are among the filthiest places in the developed world. But that’s what you get when you watch so much Gordon Ramsey.
We just don’t have time to worry about cleanliness – faffing around with a hot dishcloth isn’t going to win the Ashes.
Well, we’ve got the world’s worst levels of swine flu, but we’re surviving it the best – clearly, we’re doing SOMETHING right.
But it’s actually all part of our health plan – we’re trying to get so filthy that diseases can’t survive.
We’re less hygienic than the Yanks? And the Poms? Come on Aussies, there’s only one way to deal with this – we’ve got the gold medal in filth!
