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Good News Week

Happy crisis (GNW 14/9/09: 7 Days In 7 Seconds)

It’s been one year since the beginning of the global financial crisis. If only we could afford to buy it a cake.

Happy birthday to you
You make me feel blue
Daddy jumped from a window
Think I just might too.

What do you get a one-year old global financial crisis for its birthday? It’s already got plenty of dummies.

What do you get a one-year old global financial crisis for its birthday? What about a Bail-Me-Out Elmo?

After the U.S. alone have thrown 50 trillion bucks at the global financial crisis during its first year, I dread to think what it’ll be expecting for a present.

It’s been one year since the beginning of the global financial crisis. We’d let it blow out the candles, but then we wouldn’t be able to see.

It should be a good party. We’ll play “Pass the Stimulus Package”, “Musical Shares”, “Pin the blame on the governments” and “What’s the time it’ll take to pay this off, Mr Wolf?”

It’s one year since financial September 11, when financiers crashed world trade centres into plain folk.

The bailout package in the U.S. is over $50 trillion. But those hands don’t golden-shake themselves.

So overall, not bad. This time last year, I thought we’d all be dead by now.

So it turns out that all we needed to do to avoid economic calamity is spend trillions of dollars that we don’t have! Um… don’t worry, we’ll deal with that later.

This Great Depression sure has turned out better than the old one. Apparently they had to get rid of ALL their iPhones. / plasma screens.

One year later, Australia seems to be in recovery, but with a debt that our grandchildren may be paying off. So I hope you invested your stimulus payment wisely rather than recklessly spending it like they told you to.

Kevin Rudd keeps saying, “We’re not out of the woods yet.” Of course, when he says he’s not out of the woods, he means he’s actually staying right in the picturesque heart of the woods at a private 5 star ski resort chalet, nursing a warm brandy eggnog and gazing out at the magnificent view.

By Wok and Mat

Warwick Holt and Mat Blackwell are long-time writing partners, who created the mega-award winning web series Bruce, and wrote loads of jokes for TV shows including Good News Week, The Sideshow and The Glass House. Several years of their raw material for those shows is posted right here on this blog.

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