Categories
Good News Week

Perving Yeti (GNW 21/9/09: Strange But True)

Two pieces of footage have turned up from Poland appearing to show a yeti – in one of them, spying on a bikini-clad bather. And now we know, it’s not just his feet that are big.

I’m terrified of Yetis! Not just their gruesome, hairy appearance and brutal strength, but their incredible power to ruin one’s ability to hold a camera still!

Yetis. Bigger, smarter and scarier than gorillas, yet afraid of tiny little videocameras.

If only lions, tigers and bears were so easy to scare away with a tiny camcorder. / If only other enormous ferocious beasts were so easily frightened away.

But the yeti wasn’t scared – he was just running off to grab his vid camera. He SWEARS he saw Littlefoot!

He wasn’t perving on the girl in a bikini – he was just amazed that all those myths about Littlefoot were true!

But the yeti’s not actually perving on scantily-clad chicks. He just can’t resist a peek at an epileptic cameraman. / at a camera-wielding epileptic.

The Polish yeti just loves perving on chicks who’ve stripped down – right out of their yeti costumes.

Bathing chicks get the yeti hot. So hot, he might even take off the costume.

Of course it’s not Bigfoot. It’s just an ordinary naked hairy giant dude who lives in the woods. Nothing to make a fuss over.

Sure, Poland is no Himalayan Mountains. But when you’re a Bigfoot these days, you’ve got to take what you can get.

There hasn’t been a Yeti sighting for ages. But it takes ages to walk from the Himalayas to Poland, and they wouldn’t let him on the plane.

It wasn’t so bad that the Yeti was perving. It was that it was perving on her boyfriend.

She was shocked. If she’d known there were big brutish Yetis around, she wouldn’t have brought her boyfriend.

Of course, it wasn’t really a Yeti. It was 2 aliens in a pantomime Yeti costume. / It was the Loch Ness Monster in disguise.

The Yeti was perving on her? Yet all we see is humans perving on the Yeti. / Yet it’s the humans with all the footage.

Sure, the Yeti was perving on the humans – but at least it wasn’t filming. / didn’t film it and put it up on YouTube.

Yetis are excellent pervers. That’s why next to no-one ever sees them.

Those yetis can be such perverts, peeking at you through undergrowth, stalking you through the forest, brutally crunching your bones for lunch…

He wasn’t perving. He was just envious that she’d been able to take off her fur.

But the Yeti wasn’t running away – he was quickly fetching the Loch Ness Monster! / was just quickly grabbing his mates to watch the free show!

Why can’t people just leave yetis alone to devour their innocent victims in peace?

The Nazis were bad enough, but imagine being annexed by the Yetis!

Apparently it was even seen masturbating. The resulting sound clarifying why it’s called a sasquatch.

By Wok and Mat

Warwick Holt and Mat Blackwell are long-time writing partners, who created the mega-award winning web series Bruce, and wrote loads of jokes for TV shows including Good News Week, The Sideshow and The Glass House. Several years of their raw material for those shows is posted right here on this blog.

Leave a Reply