Libs tonsil Hockey (GNW 12/10/09: 7 Days in 7 Seconds)

The Liberal Party are looking to ditch Malcolm Turnbull and install Joe Hockey as their leader, as part of their committed policy of “everyone gets a go”.

With the Liberals in disarray over what to do about the emissions trading scheme, they’re going to replace Malcolm with Joe, someone who essentially believes exactly what Malcolm does. But the advantage is, they won’t have to vote on it while they’re getting the office furniture changed.

With the Liberals in disarray over what to do about the emissions trading scheme, they’re going to replace Malcolm with Joe, someone who essentially believes exactly what Malcolm does. To make a real difference, what they really need to do is replace him with a polar bear and a couple of endangered frogs.

The Libs don’t know whether to back Turnbull’s emissions trading stance, or replace him with Hockey so they can not know whether to back HIS emissions trading stance. (Quite the dilemma.)

Hockey’s clearly the best qualified to lead the Libs, as he’s the only frontbencher who had that regular Sunrise spot.

Malcolm says he has no intention of calling a leadership ballot like Brendan Nelson did. He’s going to wait till Rudd offers him the cushy ambassadorship first.

Malcolm says he has no intention of calling a leadership ballot like Brendan Nelson did. He’s going to lose the next election like a man.

Malcolm says he has no intention of calling a leadership ballot like Brendan Nelson did. He insists the only ballot he’s going to be mercilessly crushed in is a public one.

Joe’s position is that it’s better for Malcolm to go to the election. But some Liberals would rather just get on with having them both irreparably damaged.

Joe’s position is that it’s better for Malcolm to go to the election, but according to one MP he’s got to be ready in case some “20 suicide bombers walk into the party room next time we meet and one of them pulls the string”. I’m glad the Libs are the party strong on national defence. / And the best strategy would probably be to be interstate.

Joe Hockey is planning on taking over the Liberal leadership, but he claims it’s not that he wants Turnbull to stand down – he’s just getting prepared in case terrorists blow Turnbull up or something. Clearly, he knows something we don’t…

I think Hockey will be just as good a leader as that Frankie Turnbull guy we’ve got now, or that Neldon Branson guy, or any of the other indistinguishable Liberal clones that aren’t Peter Costello.

Hockey confirmed he’d been approached to lead the Libs on the same day Peter Costello quit Parliament without seeing out his term. He knew if he stayed any longer, he’d be forced to be leader by a process of elimination. / He had to get out of the party before he was the only one who HADN’T been leader.

They need to find someone who stands out as a leader. Someone like Peter Costello, but without all the things we think of when we think of Peter Costello.

But really, anyone could lead the Liberals. All they need to say is “Well, the reality is” or “At the end of the day” and then say the opposite of whatever Rudd’s saying.

But really, anyone could lead the Liberals. “We’re good at economics, let’s lock up refugees and chop down forests, here’s a tax break for rich people, Rudd stinks like wee”. See? I could do it.

But whoever gets the Liberal leadership, they’re not going to get another John Howard. The last of his genetic material was used to make Rudd.

But whoever gets the Liberal leadership, they’re not going to get another John Howard. Like it or not, these newer models all have hearts.

And if Turnbull is replaced by Hockey and Hockey fails, the Libs will try Bob Brown as a leader. At least he should be able to unite the party. Against him, admittedly, but it’s a start.

By the time the election actually rolls around, the only Liberal MPs who haven’t had a shot at leader will be Wilson Tuckey and Bronwyn Bishop. A combination that hasn’t been seen together since Pauline Hanson was born.

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