Citizenship reborn (GNW 26/10/09: 7 Days In 7 Seconds)

The new Australian citizenship test has dropped questions about Australian sporting heroes. Don Bradman still gets a mention as the “greatest cricketer of all time”, but now that’s only in the pledge.

Unfortunately it’s meant a drop in citizenship applications, as many people just wanted to live here for the cricket trivia.

Instead of cricket trivia the citizenship test will be focussed on civic rights, responsibilities and values. Values? VALUES? When did anyone score a century with values?

Questions on values instead of questions on sport? Surely that’s against our values! / It’s unAustralian!

Another change is the talent quest section, judged by Red Symons. Fortunately many of the applicants don’t even need to black-up!

So the leakiest boat on our shores these days is the Australian citizen-ship.

They’ve scrapped the Bradman questions, and nearly all the questions about what a great guy John Howard is.

And you no longer have to present yourself to the Howard gloryhole.

Although with its new focus on values, John Howard would now fail.

They’ve also removed many of the questions asking about googlies, silly middle-ons, and automatic wikkies.

They had to scrap the Bradman questions. The answers they were getting were just not cricket.

And they’ve got rid of all questions relating to pavlovas. Although now you have to make them one in the Masterchef kitchen. And please, remember presentation is paramount!

Potential immigrants will still be asked questions about the ANZACs. Although any of our defeated soldiers will do. / Which will make it much easier for Turks to enter the country.

The significance of Anzac Day is still included. Because we don’t want any citizens of Australia that don’t realise how good we are at dying.

Bradman will still be mentioned as “the greatest cricketer of all time”. But you will no longer be required to memorise all of his batting averages.

Bradman will still be mentioned as “the greatest cricketer of all time”. But it will also be highlighted that there are more important aspects of Australia than just cricket. There’s also footy and horse racing!

I’m grateful they’re taking sports questions out of the test. At last there might be some new citizens that I can beat at pub trivia.

Although of course they still need to know about cricket. Don’t be silly!

Rather than asking them questions about Don Bradman, the new test is just a few overs. Six and out, you get to stay.

The test has a new focus on values. You know, instead of John Howard’s wet dreams.

But the real clincher is the Invention test.

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