Nelson signs off (GNW 26/10/09: 7 Days In 7 Seconds)

Former Liberal leader Brendan Nelson tendered his resignation and thanked his constituents with a roadside sign. Although, seeing as he had the worst popularity as a leader in Australian history, he probably could’ve saved time by thanking each supporter individually.

On one side, the sign read “Thank You”. The other side read “…For Nothing, Ya Bastards”.

It reminds me of his earlier sign: “Will lead the Opposition for food”.

Hang on – a Liberal leader being humble… gracious… frugal… come back, Brendan! All is forgiven!

He had a great response. He made nearly 20 bucks cleaning windscreens. / Although he’s still confused why people kept asking him to clean their windscreens. / Although next time he says he might bring a squeegee.

He got many supportive honks. Although he’s not so sure about the hand gestures and the yelling.

And now we know why his popularity was so low – his idea of PR is to stand by the side of the road holding a cardboard sign.

He says he held the sign instead of spending taxpayers’ money on publicity. But the sad truth is, that sign is all he has. (And what bitter irony that the only thing the poor man now owns is a sign saying “Thank You”. Sad. So very sad.)

The ‘Thank You’ sign makes a nice change from his old one, which just read ‘I’m Brendan Nelson’. And this one seems to be working better too.

His other option was to simply write “Thank You” on his enormous forehead. But he didn’t want to freak out the kiddies.

It’s sweet. Thanking all those people for not mentioning his giant forehead.

He’s thanking all the cars for contributing to the climate change that’s making life just as tough for Malcolm. / that got him turfed out of the leadership before it got too hard.

It’s part of Nelson’s new career as an extra in a Bob Dylan film clip.

He’s saying “Thank You” to all the people who voted Liberal. After all, he still couldn’t bring himself to.

Nelson decided to thank the people with the sign rather than a mail campaign that would have cost taxpayers around $15,000. And wouldn’t even have gotten him on the news.

If he’d taken that approach as Defence Minister we could have saved even more money. Rather than purchasing Super Hornets, he could have just stuck up a bunch of signs on the coast saying “Go Away”.

Well, “Screw you Guys, I’m Off To Be An Ambassador To The EU” wouldn’t fit on the cardboard.

Unfortunately he didn’t last long – he was edged out by two hobos and a junkie busker.

Of course, holding a sign like that is the start of a slippery slope – before too long, he’ll be squatting down an alleyway, shitting on himself, muttering. (You know, like Barnaby Joyce.)

It’s all part of his new career, busking for a European Union ambassadorship.

And some passers-by also held up signs saying “Thank You – For Not Busting Out Your Guitar”.

It certainly did save taxpayers money. Malcolm wouldn’t even buy him the paint.

Brendan, Brendan, you spelt it wrong. It’s not spelt “T.H.A.N.K”, it’s spelt “F.U.C.K”.

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