Titanic 2 (GNW 2/11/09: Strange But True)

A British travel firm is planning a transatlantic cruise that will retrace the Titanic’s steps on its hundredth anniversary in 2012. It’s already selling well – trips to Atlantis are a real rarity.

The Titanic Memorial Cruise will depart from Southampton on April 8, retrace the Titanic’s steps, and one week later arrive at the spot where the “unsinkable” ship sank. What happens next is anyone’s guess. / From that point on they’ll wing it.

A memorial service will be held onboard at the exact same spot and time as the original ship hit the iceberg. Which may get in the way of manning the lifeboats.

The cruise will travel from London all the way to New York, just like the first one did.

The travel firm say there’s no way that the iceberg incident could recur. It’s one of the upsides of global warming!

The cruise is selling very well. All the lower-grade inside cabins and some suite categories are fully booked out, although there is still plenty of room in icebreaker class.

The cruise will even provide music from the era. You know, Celine Dion.

They’re also matching the menu from the first Titanic. Although they’ve found it difficult to get fresh dodo. / Tassie tiger.

They’re recreating the original voyage right down to the food, music and lack of safety standards.

They’re calling the journey “Take 2”.

And, just like the original, they’re not taking enough life-rafts. Just in case.

The ship, of course, isn’t called “The Titanic”. It’s called “Titanic 2: Die Harder”.

They’re even hiring a drunken captain to drive the vessel.

Prices start at four and a half grand for a ticket. They want to fill the boat with exactly the same kind of rich idiots who were drowned on the first one.

The journey will mark the 100th year since that ill-fated voyage, and what better way to remember the Titanic than to sink another one.

The same kind of ship will take exactly the same route at exactly the same time on exactly the same day. They’re just hoping that the exact same iceberg will have spent the last hundred years melting.

But they stress they will not suffer the same fate as the original Titanic. In fact, their ship is unsinkable.

Of course, this is not the only doomed voyage they want to recreate. It’s really just the tip of the iceberg.

They also plan on recreating the launch of the space shuttle Challenger, the flight of the Hindenburg, and the many train journeys of the Third Reich.

After they’re finished recreating the voyage of the Titanic, they plan to move on to recreating the flight of the Hindenburg, the launch of the Challenger, and if they can just purchase enough firecrackers, the obliteration of Krakatoa.

They’re going to precisely recreate the food and music of the original Titanic, though they still haven’t worked out who’s going to be Kate Winslet.

It’ll be a great journey for people nostalgic for the days before television, aeroplanes and precautions. / life-rafts.

It’s a great escape back to the tedium of 1912!

The travel firm say there’s no way that the iceberg incident could recur. I mean, what are the odds there’d be another iceberg in exactly the same part of the Arctic Circle 100 years later? Preposterous!

Dress code is men in top hats, spats and monocles, and women with their shoulders draped in something dead. (Perhaps one of the original passengers.)

The cruise will dock where the original Titanic was going, before heading back home via the Bermuda Triangle.

The cruise is selling very well. Especially amongst geriatric emos. / suicidal toffs.

Sure, the tickets are frightfully expensive. But then you can’t take it with you.

Some of the original passengers will even be on board. And don’t worry, they’ll take up a lot less room on the lifeboats now that they’re dead.

Some of the original passengers will even be on board, stitched together to make the additional life-rafts.

A travel company is recreating the voyage of the Titanic. Am I the only person thinking “SINK! SINK! SINK!”?

James Cameron’s thrilled – at last he’ll be able to make the sequel! (Just as long as that dynamite works properly…)

James Cameron’s thrilled – at last he’ll be able to make the sequel. He’ll just dust off that old prop iceberg and the story writes itself!

Titanic 2. It’s like the Hey Hey Reunion in boat form!

The kitchen is the only part of the boat not guaranteed to stay afloat. In an iceberg emergency, everybody will stand around and watch the kitchen sink.

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