Aussie democracy for the Arc of Instability (The Glass House 12/7/06)

The Liberal Party and the ALP have joined forces to teach our Pacific neighbours the noble art of democracy. Sign up for The Global Democracy Program and you could turn your bombing and looting villagers into Parliamentarians!

The program is aimed at the islands in what the Government calls the “arc of instability”. They’re aiming to turn it into an “ark of stability” – it’s 300 cubits by 50 cubits, and filled with two politicians from every party…

$2 million has been earmarked for the program to show the island states the problem with instability. In fact, Mark Latham himself will be going over to show them practical examples.

We’re looking to establish democratic states where the will of the masses rules – except when it comes to wars, industrial relations, censorship, gay rights, abortion…

Aren’t they going to look at our democracy, see who we voted as leader, and just go “aah, no thanks.”

It should be easy to teach Australian-style democracy! “Rule 1: do whatever Dubya says. Rule 2: er, see Rule 1!”

Fair enough. If you’re going to have a democracy of the people, you need to have it imposed on you by a more powerful country.

These island states are going to get good old Aussie democracy whether they like it or not. Because if they don’t like it we’ll ask our good old Uncle Sam to come over and liberate ’em into submission.

Once we’ve established these islands as outposts of our democracy, we’ll finally have somewhere to put our nuclear power plants! Out there on the Arc of Instability – safe as houses.

But overseas it’ll be impossible to use the most powerful tool of Australian democracy – calling dissenters “unAustralian”.

The parties promised that the money would not be used to supplement politicians’ travel budgets – it’ll be strictly for cocktails and rent-boys.

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