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Film Glass House Good News Week News

New beginnings, hackneyed endings

Greetings, browsers of the “Internet”, Well the most exciting news of our career thus far is finally out in the open, so here it is. Bruce is “under development” with the ABC. See here or here for UNDENIABLE PROOF! So we’re heads down with our little creative team to make the final case that this […]

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Film Glass House News The Sideshow

The Sideshow and other shows on the side

Well it’s official. Saturday April 21 at 7:30pm on the ABC is the date for the premiere of The Sideshow, a new variety show hosted by Paul McDermott, and written by several people including Media Empire’s very own Warwick Holt and Mat Blackwell. The show will also feature regular stars including Tripod, The Umbilical Brothers […]

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Film Glass House News

One door closes, several revolve

G’day folks, Sorry I’ve been pretty much incommunicado lately. You probably all thought I’d shrunk into my hermit crab shell with the cancellation of The Glass House and have been hoarding ammunition and tinned food in preparation for a brutal massacre in which none will be spared. But that’s only half-true. In fact I’ve had […]

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Glass House

Oh what a year (The Glass House 29/11/06)

BUSH DUCK It was the year that George Bush became a lame duck President, which is the best way to protect himself from being shot by Dick Cheney. It was the year that the US Congress was voted back in to the hands of the sane-by-comparison. DICK SHOOTING It was the year that Dick Cheney […]

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Glass House

Rogues’ Gallery (The Glass House 29/11/06)

– Kerrie-Anne always let the dolphin have the first fish. – Suddenly, Kerrie-Anne’s surfboard came to life! – Good Morning Australia was originally going to be The Dolphin RodeoShow – Kerri-Anne’s first marriage just didn’t work. – A carefree creature who’s happy to work for fish, and a dolphin. – It can squirt water from […]

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Glass House

Final word from The House of Glass (The Glass House 29/11/06)

So as the good ship Glass House finally sinks to the bottom of the ocean of the ABC, we’d like to thank you, the viewers, for enduring our endless repetition, following our erratic timeslot changes, and enduring our endless repetition. We’d just like to say sorry to many people, but particularly Shannon Noll, Shane Warne, […]

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Glass House

Kerri-Anne accepts Keef’s Award for Eksalince in the field of Entertainment (The Glass House 29/11/06)

Wow. What a great honour. Who needs a stupid Logie? Up yours, TV Week. And to get an award in the field of Entertainment – well, it’s great to finally recognised as an Entertainer, just like I always told Mum I’d be. I’d just like to thank my friends and family for filling out the […]

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Glass House

The Muslim Election (The Glass House 29/11/06)

Former Liberal Prime Minister Malcolm Fraser has warned that next year’s federal election may be the “Muslim election” as the Government continues to ramp up the rhetoric on Islam. In 2001 it was children overboard, in 2004 it was keeping interest rates down, look out for 2007 being the year of Osamas under the bed. […]

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Glass House

Nanna-technology (The Glass House 29/11/06)

Scientists have come up with new underwear fabrics that can monitor heart rates and sound an alarm in the event of a health crisis. Although I don’t know how seriously the ambos take a call from a pair of jocks. Unfortunately once you put the shirt on you can never take it off or it’ll […]

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Glass House

Death to jetlagged mice (cut from The Glass House 29/11/06)

Tests on mice showed that jetlag can take a permanent toll on health and can lead to early death. Other tests have indicated that early death in mice can also be caused by feeding them Ratsak, giving them to cats or dropping bricks on them. The results are important for humans: not only will we […]

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Glass House

Bambang the dog (The Glass House 22/11/06)

An Indonesian University student has been sentenced to almost four months jail for calling President Yudhoyono and his Vice-President “dogs” and “cat excrement”. He was given one month for being insulting, and three months for mixing his metaphors. There is an upside though; when he’s released he’s being offered a job as an Opposition speechwriter. […]

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Glass House

Baby toupees (The Glass House 22/11/06)

The latest Internet fad – baby toupees! Just because your baby spews everywhere, drools on the floor and shits their pants is no reason why you can’t humiliate them further. Just because your baby spews everywhere, drools on the floor and shits their pants doesn’t mean they can’t have nice hair. Because what are babies […]

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Glass House

Cruisey marriage (The Glass House 22/11/06)

Tom and Katie have at long last made honest people of each other and tied the knot. They had two ceremonies, a Roman Catholic one in an Italian medieval castle overlooking a lake, and a Scientologist one in a mothership overlooking their Thetans’ home planet. The Vatican were unsure whether to allow a Roman Catholic […]

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Glass House

We were making a fortune selling the eggs (The Glass House 22/11/06)

A 26 year old British woman has put her eggs up for sale on the Internet to pay off a 15,000 pound credit card debt. She got heavily into debt a few weeks ago when she bought 5000 dozen eggs. “I had a real craving!” To pay off a 15,000 pound debt, a 26 year […]

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Glass House

APEC costumes for Sydney 2007 (The Glass House 15/11/06)

Wow, these were actually credited to “Mat & Wok”! Those Glass House folks are so nice. We’re going to miss it, make no mistake… (sniff) What will the leaders be wearing at APEC next year as “traditional Australian dress”? Well, they could wear the great Aussie cozzie: But maybe it would be more tasteful to […]

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Glass House

Monologue T-3 and counting… (The Glass House 15/11/06)

LAME DUCK AND DONALD DUCK It’s been a great week for democracy, freedom and all those other things George Dubya Bush keeps banging on about, when the American Democrats took control of both houses of Congress, leaving Dubya a “lame duck” President. The one upside for Bush is that being a duck almost certainly protects […]

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Glass House

Dead dog reporting for duty suh! (The Glass House 15/11/06)

The German Army has called up a dead dog for National Service. It turned out to be a terrible mistake, the poor old blind Pekingese would have been completely unsuitable for the Zombie Schnauzer Squad. We’ve stumbled upon the new German war plan! Smuggle dead Pekingese dogs into enemy territory and when people innocently pat […]

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Glass House

Hideously Clinton (cut from Attack Ads segment – The Glass House 15/11/06)

John Spencer, Hilary Clinton’s challenger for the Senate, allegedly said that she looked “hideous” as a young woman, and has had millions of dollars worth of plastic surgery. The Republicans are obviously getting desperate – normally they just call their opponents dirty stinkin commie bastards. / dirty treehuggin hippie scum. / normally they just reveal […]

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Glass House

Kazakh Bankh (The Glass House 8/11/06)

Still stinging from a concerted campaign of slander by Borat, Kazakstan has had another PR blow when the country’s central bank was found to have misspelt the word “bank” on its banknotes. Unfortunately this now makes them useless for buying horse’s urine, pigskins or other peoples’ daughters. The bank staff responsible said it was a […]

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Glass House

Hang on… Phar Lap’s dead? (The Glass House 8/11/06)

Studies of Phar Lap’s hair revealing arsenic has resulted in a new theory that he died when he was innocently fed a toxic cocktail of arsenic and strychnine by his trainers. I know whenever I’m thirsty, I always reach for the arsenic and strychnine – mmm… refreshing! The arsenic tonic was to enhance Phar Lap’s […]