Nanna-technology (The Glass House 29/11/06)

Scientists have come up with new underwear fabrics that can monitor heart rates and sound an alarm in the event of a health crisis. Although I don’t know how seriously the ambos take a call from a pair of jocks.

Unfortunately once you put the shirt on you can never take it off or it’ll assume you’ve had a fully blown cardiac arrest.

The underwear works fantastic, unless you wash it. Spin cycle reads as a severe epileptic fit.

The boffins say that within 15 years the undershirts will be actually able to administer CPR. It know, it sounds far-fetched, but remember – In the future, everything will be able to do CPR.

Although I’m not sure I want to have mouth-to-mouth from a pair of Y-fronts.

And if your undies can give you mouth-to-mouth, just think of what else they could do…

As well as a singlet that can administer CPR, they’re making a bra that automatically goes the grope.

The robot undies all have different personalities. Some are sensitive and caring, but most of them are jocks…

Watch out when buying a budgie-smuggler – some of them now contain robot budgies.

This so-called “nanna-technology” – no, really – also includes socks that tell people when they should sit down, and when you should drive slower. They actually act like your nanna.

The robotic underwear is intended for the elderly – it runs on urine.

They’ve also invented inserts for shoes that prevent people falling over. Great for pensioners, not so good for swimmers.

They’ve also invented inserts for shoes that prevent people from falling over. You just rock back and forth.

They’ve also invented inserts for shoes that prevent people from falling over. They’re Computer Socks: you fall up, not down.

They also hope to invent bionic ears which only plays music from the good ol’ days…

And best of all, with nanotechnology you’ll never have to wipe your arse again!

And you can have a sock-puppet that really talks!

And they make awesome sock puppets: (robot voice while hand mimes sockpuppet) “DESTROY ALL HUMANS!”

They’re also developing nanotech G-strings. You don’t have to strip out of them; they just disassemble.

With nanotech, they’ve managed to design a g-string the size of a grain of rice.

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