Cow accents (The Glass House 4/10/06)

Irish farmers are claiming cows have accents, causing debate at the “World’s Most Beautiful Cow” contest. Farmers say most people can’t hear the accents, but they herd them clearly… herd, geddit?

It’s obvious isn’t it? Irish cows go “Moo”, whereas English cows go “Moo”. Couldn’t be more different.

There are several distinct cow accents here in Australia. There’s the standard “Moo”, the more upper-class “Myoo”, and, of course, the bogan “Yeah, fuckin moo, you got any smokes?”

When asked if they had differing accents primarily because of geographic location or because of other sociolinguistic factors, the cows answered “Moo”…

The Irish farmers first noticed the accent when a cow mooed “To be sure, to be sure”.

They noticed the different accents when the Irish cows came to the farmers with a list of demands – and held the British cows hostage. / They first noticed the accents were different because their Irish cows would blow up all the cows with British accents.

(Irish) “That animal sounds Irish! Is it a sheep, Shaun?” “No, it’s a cow, Pat.”

An English cow, an Scotch cow, and an Irish cow walked into a paddock. The English cow said “Moo”, the Scottish cow said “McMoo”, and the Irish cow ordered a Guinness. Well, look, you guys might not think it’s funny, but the cows love it – slays ’em in the abbotoirs…

Turns out the best Madras Beef comes from cows with an Indian accent.

It has been proven that birds have accents. Though they travel around so much it gets hard to work out where they’re really from.

We asked a sheep if they thought cows had accents; it replied “Bah!” A horse said “Nay!” And then we asked some chickens, who just clucked something about regional dialects and the difficulty of precise linguistics.

Not only do cows have strong accents, but they are great singers. Some of their favourite songs include “I like the way you Moo”, “I like to Moo it Moo it”, and “I will always love Moo”…

The World’s Most Beautiful Cow contest was a close-run race. Our very own Naomi Robson nearly came third!

(Play tape – Farmer: “I think it could be a lot of bull, actually.”) (crack up) Hahaha! A lot of bull! Genius… hang on, is that guy using our writers?

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