A repeat offending drunk-driver refuses to appear in court or speak to lawyers because he believes he is God. He first suspected it when he woke up one morning and everything was void and without form.
The Courier Mail’s report on the incident included the line “Howarth genuinely believed he was God, pictured“. Well there you go. Not so mysterious after all, eh?
It was easy to get a piccie of God, because he’s everywhere.
Not only did the Courier Mail get God’s picture, but he sold his intimate private story to New Idea. Apparently he lost 10 kilos and created the Earth on a shock party binge.
But they still don’t have a picture of God smiling. (Being omniscient, he is difficult to amuse.)
That’s God’s official portrait. Of course he’s aged a bit now.
Not only did they get a great picture of God, but they did an exclusive interview. Apparently it’s all gospel.
Interestingly, the Courier Mail also uses the very same picture for articles about Mel Gibson and Dubya Bush…
Not only did they get a great piccie of God, but afterwards he shouted them to a few bottles of his blood. / to a dinner of loaves and fishes.
Of course, you wanna get a great piccie of God – otherwise you get smote. Smitten. Smut. Whatever.
Of course, you wanna get a great piccie of God – you know what a temper he’s got. You know Sodom and Gomorrah? Someone had given him red-eye.
Not only does the Courier Mail have access to god’s official portrait, but they’ve got him helping out around the office. / but that’s who they get their weather predictions from. / but he’s amazing at footy tipping.
Not only does the Courier Mail have access to god’s official portrait, but they print their master copies on the Shroud of Turin.
Not only does the Courier Mail have access to god’s official portrait, but they use the Ark of the Covenant as a paperweight. / to store their junk mail.
Lucky the article wasn’t about someone who thought they were Mohammed, or the Courier Mail would’ve been set on fire.
In a statement, God said he actually looked more like Mohammed, but recommended they didn’t publish any of the real pics.
So rather than showing us a picture of the guy who thinks he’s God, they show us a picture of God. That’s like, instead of showing us a picture of Kevin Rudd, they show us a picture of Mother Theresa / Confucius / Mr Sheen / Dietrich Bonhoeffer.
The Courier Mail’s relationship with God has gotten to the stage where he’s actually getting his own column. It’ll be called “The God Spot”. / It’ll be about child-raising, and, when necessary, child-sacrifice. / It’ll focus on the many reasons Karl Kruszelnicki doesn’t exist. / It’ll mainly be about gardening – you know, weeding, mulching, how to protect your tree-of-knowledge plants from pests, that kinda thing. Not sure I’d trust him with my garden – I hear he has a problem with snakes.
The man’s lawyer said he genuinely believed he was God, though only God when he’s pissed.
Of course the man doesn’t really look like this, but then in the picture God’s sober.
Well now that they’ve got a picture of God, that guy’s claims will never stand up. Not only is he clean-shaven and black, he’s never even met Michelangelo.
Not only is the guy actually God, but his shitty Datsun is really a golden chariot pulled by dragons! / but his tiny housing commission flat is actually Mount Olympus! / but his tiny housing commission flat is actually Castle Grayskull!
The man insists that, if he is found guilty, he gets sentenced to death by crucifixion. Or a fine, whatever the judge prefers.
The man warns that, if he is found guilty, there’s gunna be some serious smiting dished out. / there’s gunna be one helluva smiting. / the jurors all get eternal damnation! They’re all shaking in their boots.
