Lifelike-savers (Good News Week 28/7/08: Strange But True)

Gympie police frantically smashed car windows to rescue a seemingly unconscious baby, only to discover it was an extremely lifelike doll. They were so frustrated they arrested the baby whose doll it was.

Gympie police frantically smashed car windows to rescue a seemingly unconscious baby, only to discover it was an extremely lifelike doll. So they proceeded to smash that as well. / So they smashed the rest of the car. / Which they then used to smash the rest of the car with.

When the owners were eventually found they apologised, for inconveniently causing police to violently smash up their car.

When the owners were eventually found they were “apologetic”. For not committing any crime, having their car smashed open, and having cops handling their stuff.

The doll’s owners were apologetic, but that wasn’t enough to get their car fixed.

The doll’s owners were apologetic, but said that, no matter how hard they looked, they just couldn’t find any “Fake Baby on Board” signs.

The owners didn’t mind the cops smashing their car windows – they were just glad they didn’t find the real babies in the boot! / just glad the police didn’t find all the drugs hidden in the doll.

It’s not an isolated incident. In fact in the past year, Gympie police have rescued five Garfields and a smurf.

The creator of the “reborn” baby dolls says that it’s not an isolated incident – the dolls are constantly fooling people. That’s the idea, they’re meant to be just like a real baby without the drawbacks of soiled nappies, breast-feeding or growing up.

The creator of the “reborn” baby dolls says that it’s not an isolated incident – the dolls are constantly fooling people, they’re so realistic. For laughs, sometimes she just goes out and throws one around in the park with her Alsatian.

And if you smash them open, they’re filled with blood!

To further confuse police, she has one model that, every now and then, silently mouths “help me”.

She suggests labelling dolls with warning cards to prevent police and others getting confused. The cards would also be effective if you wanted to abandon your real child. / leave your real baby in the car. “Oh, it’s so lifelike – such realistic screaming!”

She suggests labelling dolls with warning cards to prevent police and others getting confused. Or tattooing your real children with “I Am Not A Doll”.

The dolls’ creator has suggested you may want to leave a sign alerting police that your doll is just that. Perhaps “Disturbingly Realistic Substitute Baby on Board”.

Of course, they work as a great distraction from her real baby slowly suffocating in the boot.

She’s also got some fantastically-detailed still-born babies. Incredibly death-like.

They’re even weighted to feel like a baby’s weight, and they flop like a real baby. And if you don’t feed them, they die.

They’re weighted to feel like a baby, and even flop realistically. In fact they’re great for someone who enjoys child abuse but wants to avoid the social stigma.

The creator would have defended the baby dolls, but it turns out she’s actually a highly-realistic porcelain mannequin.

At 1000 bucks a pop, people are now smashing into cars to steal them and accidentally ending up with real babies.

The artist painstakingly adds every detail of the babies, from their fingernails to their hair to their little eyelashes. But she insists that the hardest part is squeezing the little buggers out.

They may cost you a grand, but you not only get a bonus umbilical cord and cord-clamp, but also get to watch her straining to push it out of her vagina.

Not only do they come with a umbilical cords and cord-clamps, but they come attached to a hand-painted placenta! It’s actually edible!

The hand-painted dolls sell for up to $1000 and feature realistic eyelashes, fingernails, milk spots, wispy hair, umbilical cords, birth certificates and discount vouchers for IVF.

The dolls’ creator says “You don’t stop playing with dolls because you get old. You get old because you stop playing with dolls. The relentless march of time also may have something to do with it.” / Or because you have to deal with actual children.”

Leave a Reply