And the big news? Sharks! Friendly, lovable, cuddly sharks! The papers have been full of feel-good stories about the terror of the deep. For instance there was this shark that we humans saved…
That’s the last time he’ll be swallowing a poledancer.
They only had two choices really – either save the shark and pull out the pole, or heat up the barbie and start chopping lemons.
Fantastic! A giant flake with built-in spit-roaster!
Just like a giant lollypop, only sharky.
And you should see the one that got away!
The idea is, if we save the shark from being impaled, maybe it will save the odd human from shark attack.
As if sharks weren’t deadly enough, now they’re learning to joust!
Pilot of new reality TV show “Shark-Kebab”. / “So You Think You Can Pull A Pole Out Of A Shark”.
Shark regrets eating child with giant lollypop.
Mmm… flake-kebab.
Marine experts removed the pole from the shark, so that it was safe to kill again.
I say a shark swallowing a pole is nature’s way of saying it’s spit roast time.
The shark was released back into the ocean but was tragically later attacked by a shark.
Thank goodness we humans intervened to save the life of that innocent shark. There were hundreds of fish just swimming around uneaten. / Otherwise who knows how many schools of fish might still be menacing the seas.
Who’s a cutie little sharkiewarkie? Who’s a cutie little sharkiewarkie?
You should see its kennel. / squeaky toys.
He plays fetch with it too, using a seal.
“Got your nose!” “Got your arm!”
And they both know that, at some point, one is going to want to eat the other.
The new exciting game show, “Who Wants to Taunt a Shark?”
Two go in, one goes out.
It’s all fun and games until someone loses an arm. / until someone cleaves someone else in half with their deadly rows of serrated fangs.
The diver played with the great white shark for almost 40 minutes and even rode on its back. He says it’s perfectly safe so long as you show manners and mutual trust, and feed it the occasional child.
Well Jaws could have turned out very differently if only they’d thought to pat him on the nose.
The diver’s adventures are soon to be turned into a movie: Jaws 5: Old and Soft. / Jaws 5: The Return of Schnookums.
The only thing better than a really savage rip is a really savage bite.
Show-off shark later shows off skills at being battered and deep-fried.
It’s all fun and games until someone loses an arm. / until someone’s shredded alive by row upon row of serrated teeth, isn’t it.
Hang Two!
You’d jump too if you copped a surfboard in the head.
Sharks – they’re the new dolphins. With a deadly twist!
Sharks love a bit of surf n turf.
Just when you thought it was safe to stay out of the water…
“Damn, missed him!”
To a shark, a surfer is just an extra challenge. / a surfboard just turns feeding time into a game!
“Ah, surfers. They’re just colourful seals you don’t have to peel the fur off.”
What is it with all this “sharks are cute” nonsense? The law of the jungle is man versus shark! Eat or be eaten! With chips! CHIPS!
