Sex Party (Good News Week 24/11/08: Strange But True)

A new political party has formed in opposition to the proposed Internet filter. They’re called the Australian Sex Party, which sounds a little less crass than the Australian Orgy.

They’re the only party who loves it when the dollar goes down on them. / who goes down with the dollar.

And, as the dollar continues to go down, so will they.

Unfortunately, they are only allowed to be referred to as the Australian CENSORED Party. / BLANK Party. / BLEEP Party.

They’re vehemently opposed to the Government’s proposed Internet filter. I’d love to tell you some of their other policies, but their web site is inaccessible.

I tried to learn more about them, but unfortunately the pages in their information booklet were all stuck together.

They’d also considered naming the party Sex First. Which is usually the case before you have a family.

The party’s founder said that X-rated material currently available in newsagents would be barred online under the proposed filter legislation. The government said they would allow X-rated content through if only there was some way of ensuring that the computer in question was wrapped in plastic. / the web site in question was wrapped in plastic.

The party’s slogan is “we are serious about sex”. So if you’re after a bit of a smutty titter in the voting booth, go form another party.

The party’s slogan is “we are serious about sex”. And there’s nothing that’s better than extremely serious sex. / than sex that’s grim / solemn.

The party’s slogan is “we are serious about sex”. Ooh, I love it when you’re sombre. / grave.

They’ve yet to announce any policies regarding the imminent recession, though they are offering relief for anyone who’s hard-up.

The party are expecting to get a lot of votes, particularly from the desperate. / the sad and lonely.

Party convenor Fiona Pattern said they were a real chance of winning a seat, particularly since she’d promised that if they did, she’d get her norgs out.

And why not have a party dedicated to sex? After all, the other two major parties have been screwing us for decades. / the other two major parties are already fucked. / After all, politics is already full of wankers.

It’s about time a party dedicated to sex had a go at rooting the country.

They might be perfect to lead the country. After all, the economy’s already fucked.

The Australian Sex Party is also the only political party with a nasal applicator.

After all, we already have so many Members in Parliament.

They’re going to fight for same-sex marriages, an uncensored internet, and for question time in Parliament to be changed to “spankin’ time”. / “booty time”. / “naughty time”.

They won’t just cross the floor, they’ll dry-hump it.

They won’t just cross the floor, they’ll cross-dress it.

They’re also thinking of renaming Mr Speaker “Mr Gimp”.

Not only are they against censorship, but they’re pro-BLEEP BLEEEP BLEEEP into someone’s BLEEEP BLEEP BLEEP with a BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP dressed as Alan Jones.

As well as opposing the filter and reducing censorship, the party supports a national sex education curriculum and gay marriage. But hang on a minute: let’s not get sex mixed up with marriage…

They’re currently looking at new members. And then maybe they’ll do some recruiting.

The new party say they have a real chance of winning seats in state and federal parliament. And it ought to make Question Time more interesting. / After all, all the MPs will be voting for them.

They’re the only party with the balls to stand firm against the tits currently in government. With arsecheeks.

(sotto voce) I think it’s actually the Democrats in disguise!

Well it looks like the Democrats have successfully revamped their image.

They’re called the “Australian Sex Party”. Well, it sounds better than their previous name, “The Democrats”.

They’re trying to convince the Prime Minister to join them in a game of Soggy Vovo.

Of course, it wouldn’t be the first time a sex party has been in Parliament. It’s just the first time it hasn’t involved Alexander Downer and a pair of fishnets. / hasn’t involved Howard and Costello bookending Julie Bishop. / hasn’t involved Rudd and Swan in a spitroast.

Turns out the whole thing is a big mistake. They’re actually a party dedicated to knitted footwear. / They’re actually just a party from New Zealand dedicated to the number six.

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