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Glass House

Stone the cows (The Glass House 7/9/05)

A herd of Russian cows are going to be fed marijuana all winter when a confiscated crop turned out to be planted amongst their regular diet of sunflowers and maize. The only problem is when the cows get an attack of the munchies, all they’ve got to snack on is more dope. Talk about a vicious circle.

This should calm them down from all the speed and ecstasy they had to eat last year. “You know how hard it is to milk a cow going (pumping fists in the air!) “Woo! Yeah! Paaaarty! Yeah! MOOOO!”

Disposing of the dope this way is much easier than traditional methods. It’s really hard to pack a bong with hooves.

Milk produced from the cows is going to be perfect for using in your brekky bong.

The cows were initially opposed to the plan, but were won over by an additional offer of a stack of comfy armchairs and a complete set of “Simpsons” DVDs.

One troupe of Russian hippies have been trying to convince authorities that their regular diet consists of sunflowers and maize too… and black market cud sales have gone through the roof!

Far from reducing the Russian drug trade, though, there’s been a new market spring up in illicit cowpats. (inhale) “This is some good shit!”

I had a steak from one of those cows; delicious grilled, but even better smoked…

Thanks to their four stomachs, the cows get stoned four times. “The fourth time’s a real blast!” said a spokescow.

It’s all been fine so far except when it came time for milking. “Daisy’s not here, man!”

It made for a riveting headline: “Cows Eat Grass.”

They’re milked the traditional way: just a stool and a bucket. Bong.

One cow was heard to say “Ohhh MOOOO-AANNN!”

By Wok and Mat

Warwick Holt and Mat Blackwell are long-time writing partners, who created the mega-award winning web series Bruce, and wrote loads of jokes for TV shows including Good News Week, The Sideshow and The Glass House. Several years of their raw material for those shows is posted right here on this blog.

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