Scientists in Japan have created a whole lot of extra-hairy mice. Whatever gets you through the night, eh?
A Japanese academic has regenerated hair on mice using embryonic stem cells. Fantastic! Up until now, bald mice had to go to Ashley & Martin. / to go to Advanced Hair – squeak squeak!
Fantastic! Up until now, bald rodents have had to go to Advanced Hare. THANK YOU, GOODNIGHT!
The research may finally provide a scientific treatment for hair loss – stapling mice to your scalp.
Ah, hairy mice – nature’s toupee.
Of course, the treatment will only be complete once he works out how to stop the mice jumping off your head.
The scientists have said that, while it’s great to genetically-manipulate smaller creatures, bending them to our twisted superior human wills to turn them into unnatural freaks, the real fun is pointing at them and laughing afterwards.
Hickory Dickory Dock
The bald mouse saw the doc
He got a jab
His hair looks fab
And so do the pubes on his cock
Unfortunately regrowing hair on a mouse can interfere with the functioning of the giant ear on its back.
Just what you want to see when you’re bald – all sorts of other animals running around, extra hairy.
The scientists say it’s not just for bald men, but for the good of the world. After all, maybe one day the environment will go bald. You never know.
But of course, the research isn’t just about making mice into superhairy freaks. It’s about being able to make ANYTHING into a superhairy freak.
So at long last, the mouse combover is a thing of the past. / So it looks like the days are numbered for the mouse combover.
Thank goodness. Those mouse toupees fool noone.
Face it mice, those toupees weren’t fooling anyone.
Finally, mice can stop wearing those tiny little wigs.
And it can help the starving millions as well. As long as they’re happy to eat hair.
Best of all, these freshly-hairy mice will be perfect for his hair-removal experiments.
It hasn’t been so good for other researchers though – now they can’t tell which are the old mice. Although the ears sticking out of their backs is usually a dead giveaway.
So at long last maze-running chemical-dependent zombie mice can feel more attractive to chicks.
The research will also be great at fixing the hole in the ozone layer – as long as we’re happy to live with a hairy atmosphere.
The scientist responsible for the research is a Mariko Yamaki of the Matsumoto Dental University. That’s right – the hair was actually meant to be TEETH. / The mice weren’t meant to be hairy at all – they were meant to be covered in TEETH. / Sadly he’s had no luck with growing false teeth. / Must be hard to get tenure at Matsumoto Follicular University.
Dr Mariko Tamaki of Matsumoto Dental University has discovered how to regenerate hair, but promises he’ll get back to teeth now.
The scientist responsible for the hairy mice is a Mariko Yamaki of the Matsumoto Dental University, and he really should’ve been making breakthroughs in teeth. But it was a fair mistake – he thought he was at the ROdental University.
The scientist responsible for the hairy mice is a Mariko Yamaki of the Matsumoto Dental University, and he really should’ve been making breakthroughs in teeth. But that just sounded like a particularly brutal punch in the jaw.
The scientists hope they’ll be able to apply the breakthrough to humans, and at long last bald men will be able to grow flowing locks of hairy mice. / be able to grow hairy mice.
After all, nothing looks more handsome than a man with long flowing mice blowing in the cool autumn breeze.
It’s a great solution to baldness – although your scalp develops an unhealthy relationship with cheese.
And in additional research, he’s found that by injecting mice into embryonic stem cells you make them much bigger. / you clog up your syringe.
Next he’s hoping to grow beards on fish. Gotta use these embryonic stem cells for something.
Growing extra hair on mice is not his first project, of course. It comes after many years of trying to give rats longer-lasting erections, stop monkeys smoking, and help rabbits shed those extra kilos.
