Dob-in-a-bikie (GNW 22/6/09: Strange But True)

West Australian police have launched an advertising campaign to get citizens to “phone in a bikie”. It’s a great idea. The person you’re dobbing in is either an innocent person who just happens to ride a motorbike, or a violent criminal with a history of aggressive and unrelenting revenge.

Do it, you’ll be fine. Because if there’s one person who doesn’t hold a grudge, it’s a bikie.

But surely bikies are easy enough to spot. They’re the ones on the, y’know, bikes.

The police force needs the public to dob in bikies. Because, with their leather jackets, their full-length beards, their tatts, and the way they hang around in big gangs with really loud motorbikes, bikies are just really hard to detect. / are almost invisible. / really blend into the background.

If you’re unsure, a bikie can be spotted by their black leather hides and moustache extending more than one centimetre below their lips. Oh yeah, and they’ve got a BIKE.

After they’ve rounded up all the bikies, they’ll commence Operation Phone-in-a-Honda-Civic-Driver. / Phone-in-a-Moped-Rider.

But you want to be careful, especially now that the bikies have launched their campaign Dob-in-a-Dobber. / Smash-in-a-Dobber.

But it’s wrong to just assume all bikies are involved in violent crime. Some of them just manufacture amphetamines.

But not all bikies are criminals! Many of them haven’t even been caught. / haven’t even been arrested. / haven’t been charged with ANYTHING.

The aim of the campaign is to put bikies on ice. Of course, most of them already are.

I’m sure bikie gangs have no problem with dobbers.

The cops just want a bit of a hint as to where to get the good stuff. / as to where they can get into a bit of biffo.

Of course motorbikes aren’t illegal. Just people who ride them.

The crime assistant commissioner said that the campaign was called “phone in a bikie” since market research found the words “dob-in” was “un-Australian”. Though it’s possible that applies to the activity. / actual dobbing in as well.

Unfortunately the campaign has resulted in some major altercations when people have tried to stick their phone in a bikie.

Although you have to exercise some discretion, as the violent, thuggish, drunken motorcyclist you’re dobbing in may be a cop.

Police want information about who bikies drink with at pubs. Because just focussing on bikies doesn’t give them enough people to harass.

Police want to know who bikies drink with at pubs, as they could be charged with associating with known associates of criminal associates.

Police are asking for registration numbers of bikie gang members. So far they’re just going on guesswork – they were spot-on with “OUTLAW”, “BANDIT” and “BIKIE”!

And if the dob-in-a-bikie campaign doesn’t work, they’re going to start telling people to make citizens’ arrests.

It’s a good plan to target bikies. It means the cops can spend less time having to worry about criminals.

So go on, help the police track motorcyclists. In fact anyone not driving an SUV should be treated with extreme suspicion.

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