Aussies On The Bonk (cut from The Glass House 23/11/05)

A new survey shows that Aussies are having more sex more often, on average once every three days. Of course, that is just an average; Guy Sebastian never has sex, and John Howard screws the entire population on at least a daily basis.

We average 108 times a year, although this goes down to 50 times a year when you take Warnie out…

73% had had sex in the car, 54% in the park, and 43% on the beach. You should see the beach car park!

73% had had sex in the car, 54% in the park, and 43% on the beach. This was mostly so their partners wouldn’t catch them.

More than two-thirds of people have had sex in a car. Although in a lot of cases that was with the hand brake.

28% admitted to having an office affair. And 52% said that the photocopier got in the way.

28% admitted to having an office affair. It was even more at the Office of Business Affairs…

Office affairs are being renamed Workplace Relations…

Now that the government’s getting rid of Industrial Relations, the workplace is full of Sexual Relations. Just part of the new PorkChoices policy…

61% of people have admitted having unprotected sex without knowing their partner’s sexual history. But what level of detail are they looking for? Do they want a list? Dates? Locations? Brand of condom?

Most people probably can’t recall their sexual history in that much detail – though it’s easy for Paris Hilton. She just gives you the video collection.

2% of people found John Howard sexy, and 98% weren’t the Prime Minister.

2% found John Howard sexy. Must be the eyebrows.

Jamie Durie was voted the sexiest TV star, just above Ian Dury, Judge Judy, and Jury Duty.

Aussies are having more unsafe sex – but not as unsafe as those of in Iraq. We might catch diseases, but at least we usually get to keep our limbs. And when the earth moves for Iraqi couples, it was most likely artillery fire.

The articles didn’t release any info about the stats in other countries… which means it wasn’t good for Australia. Obviously in most places they’re having sex 500 times a year.

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