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Pimp This Bum dot com (GNW 27/7/09: What’s The Story?)

I actually discovered this site by accident. And boy was I disappointed. / I’d meant to visit “Prostitute This Arse” dot com. / “Pay For Anal Sex” dot org. / “Have Anal Sex With Me For Cash” dot net.

You don’t want to make any typos – PimpThisMum is a very different site…

The organisers said that if they’d called it “Feed the Homeless”, no-one would have paid them any attention. That’s true – but they’d also have attracted the interest of a lot less actual pimps.

Unfortunately, several people have approached the website about actually pimping him. And quite frankly, if he really wanted to stop being homeless, he wouldn’t turn the offers down. Eh?

So he may be homeless, but at least he’s no longer home-page-less.

It’s hard for people on the streets. Not only do they not have a home, but many don’t even have a home page.

Homeless people are on the information superhighway – or at least, sleeping under one of the overpasses.

Visitors to the web site start at the homeless-page.

Last time I pimped my bum I needed Clearasil.

Tragically, the global financial crisis means that some homeless bums have no web pages at all.

He used to sleep in a tiny little cardboard box, but thanks to money raised, can now spread out in a cardboard box the size of a house!

The entrepreneurs set up the website for several reasons: to get enormous amounts of free publicity for their online business, and to let everyone know just how fantastic they are. Oh, oh, and to help the homeless, that’s right. The homeless.

The father and son business decided to help homeless people. Well, the son actually decided to help homeless people – the father just wanted them to stop pissing in his front yard. / shitting on his doorstep.

Luckily on the Internet homes are cheap.

The site has raised $150,000, and Tim has cleaned up and is has been able to move out to a whole new domain name. / web site.

The site has so far raised $150,000. Which is hard to hide when you’re living in a cardboard box.

The site has already raised $150,000. Which means most of Tim’s time is now spent fending off other homeless people.

They’ve raised 150 thousand bucks in two months. These days, homelessness is one of the best paid jobs going. / (sigh) If only I were homeless.

The bum, Tim Edwards, used to be an office manager with a home and car, but it just didn’t pay like being an online bum.

The website operators had been trying to get the site up and running for ages, but found there was a real shortage of homeless people with broadband. / their own webcams. / with the right USB attachment.

Last time Tim had a web site it was because a spider had taken up residence in his nostril.

The site’s creators used the site as a demonstration to showcase their Internet marketing skills. But after the success of the site, they’re looking at moving onto the streets.

The site’s creators used the site as a demonstration to showcase their Internet marketing skills. Oh yeah, and to help the homeless, that’s right.

He’s the only hobo with wifi.

They’ve also set up a wireless video service for homeless alcoholics. It’s called WiFiWinoHoboYouTube.

He’s now not just homeless, but wireless.

The website’s creators are now looking to help out alcoholics. The new site is called “FacePlant”. / “WinoSpace”.

The website’s creators are now looking to help out junkies. The new site is called “MySpacedOut.” / “BlankFaceBook”.

He was going to set up a page on MySpace, but it kept moving.

The homeless have even started up their own social networking site, NoSpace.

The father and son business decided to help homeless people. Well, the son actually decided to help homeless people – the father just wanted to pay them 20 bucks to fight each other. / just wanted to round them up for a mass bumfight.

The website’s popularity has led to spinoffs such as GimpThisBum.com. Not quite as innocent.

The website’s popularity has led to spinoffs such as CrimpThisBum, ChimpThisBum, GimpThisBum, and PimpThisHo. Very popular site, that one.

The hundred and fifty thousand dollars raised has helped Tim clean up and get off the streets. Bad timing, really. It could have bought him a MOUNTAIN of drugs.

Tim Edwards has become the human face of homelessness. Until now, it’s had the face of an aardvark.

By Wok and Mat

Warwick Holt and Mat Blackwell are long-time writing partners, who created the mega-award winning web series Bruce, and wrote loads of jokes for TV shows including Good News Week, The Sideshow and The Glass House. Several years of their raw material for those shows is posted right here on this blog.

One reply on “Pimp This Bum dot com (GNW 27/7/09: What’s The Story?)”

Your article really really made me laugh out loud. I hope this will get you back!

Text: BML in association with Anthony Conlon.

In August 2007 an unknown Irish artist living in Muenster, Germany – the city that hosts the internationally well established “Sculpture Projects”- was crowned by the local press as “Germanys first Online-Beggar”. He offers his artworks as gratitude for donations.

Anthony James Conlon (tony conlon) 52, initiated a fun-art event during the “Sculpture Projects 2007” in his city by placing simple cardboard signs at locations where one would usually find street beggars. The signs which read (translated) “free today” . . . “www.have-you-got-some-small-change-for-me.de”. . .”thanks”. . . were accompanied by a small bundle of ragged clothes and a scruffy piece of carpet, the usual requisites of street beggars which made the installations look pretty much authentic. He then travelled daily on bicycle throughout the city carrying a sign advertising his homepage and placed other signs outside local stores, supermarkets, shopping-centers, parking lots, under bridges and even outside art galleries.

Thousands of visitors were attracted to the site by the humor and wit of these signs but also many out of sheer disbelief that the site existed. Within a short time the artistŽs self marketing gag became a hugh success. As donations started coming in he decided in July 2007 to share these with some of the poor and needy in his hometown and approached a local homeless organisation with the idea. Visitors to the site are greeted and guided throughout the homepage with the artists strong sense of poetic “irish humour” which are Conlon´s weapons against social injustices and political failures. Donaters get to view the Internet presentation of his artistic work with over 300 works currently on show. A mixture of paintings, graphic, objects, and as he says himself a little nonsense. All of which can be copied and printed as postcards free of charge for personal use. This should make your donations worthwhile he explains. The site won the “Visitors Award” Germany, in April 2009 and was translated into English in June of this year under the domain name http://www.pimp-this-artist.com .

The site is run momentarily as a fun-art event and some of the donations have already been given to the poor or needy in the streets of Conlon´s hometown. One particular recipient is worthwhile mentioning here. He literally got up and danced. He had just recieved – not a SMALL amount of money. The amazing thing about it is he only had one leg. TC admits his work gives him great pleasure and satisfaction at the moment. . . .

Related links:
http://tonyhdebkfm.beep.com/presse.htm
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2173199/first_pimp_this_bum_now_?cat=2

Yours sincerely,
Germanys online beggar Number 1.
Anthony Conlon (tony conlon)
Text: BML in association with Anthony Conlon

and now it´s your turn to laugh so have fun at http://www.pimp-this-artist.com . . . I hope you find it entertaining . . . and decide to donate.

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