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Good News Week

Vicious Dolphin Attack (GNW 3/8/09: So You Think You Can Mime)

In New Zealand, a woman has had to be rescued from an overly playful dolphin who wouldn’t let her back into shore. That’s the last time she goes swimming dressed as a fish. / as a beachball.

But Moko was just having innocent fun. She LOVES playing “drown the human”! / “Drown the weak pink thing” is her favourite game!

The council is now erecting warning signs all along the beach that read “DANGER: FRIENDLY DOLPHIN”.

The woman ended up being stranded out at sea, drenched, desperately clutching a buoy. Just sounds like another night at my place.

She ended up stranded on a buoy while the dolphin swam rings around her, preventing her from leaving. Well, stuck up their on that buoy she looked just like a mermaid. A delicious, delicious mermaid.

She would’ve escaped, if only that damn dolphin wasn’t faster than lightning.

People should be more careful with dolphins. Do not approach them unless properly armed with a hoop.

The dolphin just wanted a bit of entertainment. And she wasn’t going to let the woman leave till she jumped through the damn hoop. / without at least a double-somersault.

Being worn out by a friendly dolphin is bad, but not as bad as the time she was totally tuckered out by fluffy kittens! The horror.

Not only has she been worn out by a friendly dolphin, but in the last year alone she has been exhausted by fluffy puppies, ignored by a flipsy flopsy bunny rabbit, and verbally abused by a hippy hoppy lammikins.

Moko the dolphin has garnered world-wide attention since taking up residence at the beach, and has attracted hundreds of tourists – or as she calls them, “victims”. / “prey”.

Moko the dolphin has been popular since taking up residence in the area last year, attracting hundreds of tourists. And once they swarm, it’s time to pounce.

It wasn’t the play that was so tiring for the woman – it was balancing the ball on her nose the whole time.

She would’ve cried for help earlier, but she was really enjoying all the fish.

It was no accident. Moko had heard on the dolphin grapevine about the woman’s infamous Seaworld incident.

But we shouldn’t be too hard on poor Moko. It’s not like she was doing it on porpoise.

Sure, dolphins are all enviro-cute and bouncy-wouncy, until they trap you out at sea, gnashing their blowholes at you.

Inspired, Steven Spielberg is now working on a new movie based on the incident, called “Flippers”.

She was in a wetsuit. The dolphin was just thought it was making friends with one of those new immigrant dolphins.

That damn dolphin! If only there’d been a pack of man-eating sharks to scare it away.

And I thought “playing with your dolphin until you’re exhausted” was a euphemism.

By Wok and Mat

Warwick Holt and Mat Blackwell are long-time writing partners, who created the mega-award winning web series Bruce, and wrote loads of jokes for TV shows including Good News Week, The Sideshow and The Glass House. Several years of their raw material for those shows is posted right here on this blog.

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