Bob Dylan is in negotiations to voice a satellite navigation system. Every journey is like a whole new Dylan album! It’s just like a Dylan album, but without the pretence of melody, instrumentation or arrangement. / the pretence of songwriting. / the pretence of actually being able to sing, play harmonica, or write sentences that […]
Month: September 2009
Spain held its annual tomato-throwing festival, La Tomatina. It’s just like bullfighting – but the gore’s fake! / but the gore’s vegetarian! It’s bullfighting for vegetarians! It’s a Spanish sport, so something has to die, even if it’s just fruit. It’s the only festival where tens of thousands of sweaty men look so appetising. Hecklers […]
A psychiatrist has declared that Schapelle Corby has gonme insane. She’s suffering hallucinations, fantasies and bizarre delusions. It’s just like before they took the drugs away. She’s not insane. She’s just found her boogie board. / having a bit of fun on her boogie board. Top psychiatrist, Associate Professor Jonathon Phillips, made the report on […]
Star Trek has boldy gone where it never has before – into the strange new world of perfumes. It’s perfume, but not as we know it. The Vulcan scent is plain water. Mixing it with any other smells just seems illogical. / Trying to smell like something you’re not is just illogical. You can also […]
In Costa Rica, a man has nursed a crocodile back to health swimming, playing and even sleeping beside the 5-metre-long reptile. It’s either a remarkable story of cross-species bonding, or a complete crock. The pair became friends when Chito rescued the crocodile after finding him close to death with a bullet in his eye. Now, […]
Canadian scientists have confirmed what we’ve all feared – an outbreak of zombies could lead to the collapse of civilisation! It’s a theoretical model – there is no actual evidence that zombies could exist, meaning that it really is a groundbreaking redefinition of “scientists”. The researchers decided to only model classic, slow-moving zombies, rather than […]
Tuesday, September 01 Tomorrow’s the first day of Spring, so everyone – raise a glass of Claratyne! / hayfever medication! Tomorrow’s the first day of Spring, so everyone – time to sacrifice those virgins! Tomorrow’s the first day of Spring, but that doth not make one swallow. Just ask my wife. Tomorrow’s National Wattle Day […]