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Good News Week

Undersmutty (GNW 28/9/09: monologue)

The Australian Christian Lobby has launched a “Tame the Tube” campaign to demand tougher rules on sex, violence and foul language on TV. Of course, they’ll keep demanding it until there’s no sex, no violence, no swearing and no TV. / TV should be for promoting Christ and THAT’S IT. “Underbelly” has copped a massive […]

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Good News Week

Boats, people & the Liberal asylum (GNW 28/9/09: monologue)

The Opposition says a big surge in asylum seeker numbers is an urgent problem. More a problem for Christmas Island than the rest of us, but still – URGENT! The Opposition wants asylum seekers to be dealt with. Not in the sense of dealing with them, more in the sense of completely obliterating them. The […]

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Good News Week

$11 million Qantas guy (GNW 28/9/09: 7 Days In 7 Seconds)

Despite only working five months in 2008-09 before retiring, Qantas chief executive Geoff Dixon was paid 11 million dollars. Just further proof that the financial crisis is over. At least, it is for that guy. Despite profits dropping 88 percent and 1750 jobs lost, Geoff Dixon’s 5 month job as CEO netted him 11 million. […]

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Good News Week

Climatematum (GNW 28/9/09: 7 Days In 7 Seconds)

Climate Change Minister Penny Wong has sent an ultimatum directly to Malcolm Turnbull, demanding that he produce amendments to their climate change legislation by October 19. After being at the United Nations climate summit, she was grateful for any argument that only involved two parties. How can the Coalition be expected to formulate a concrete […]

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Good News Week

Teen Rugby League as meatheaded as the Seniors (GNW 28/9/09: 7 Days In 7 Seconds)

A 16-year-old has been banned from playing rugby league for 20 years after breaking an opposition player’s nose and eye. But that’s no way to encourage one of the code’s best prospects! Awwww. It’s great to see 16 year olds acting like fully-grown rubgy league players. Remember kids, when you’re going to brutally assault someone, […]

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Good News Week

America’s Blackest Prez (GNW 28/9/09: 7 Days In 7 Seconds)

Barack Obama has become the first serving President to appear on David Letterman’s “Late Show”. Well, at least the first to appear willingly. Obama’s going to try to appear on as many comedy shows as possible. It’s one area where he’s still well behind George Bush. He was pretty funny on the show, but still […]

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Good News Week

Ten For Sale (GNW 28/9/09: 7 Days In 7 Seconds)

The future is uncertain for Channel Ten after a major shareholder announced they were going to sell off their shares, worth over 50% of the company. Looks like Ramsey Street’s a dead end… Canadian company CanWest is about to sell its 50.06 percent stake of the Ten Network. Finally I can chuck out that maple […]

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Good News Week

Ruddy No-Friends (GNW 28/9/09: 7 Days In 7 Seconds)

Poor old Kevin Rudd had a bit of a fizzer at the UN. Not only did he have to speak over an hour late to a third of the audience he was expecting, but he missed Obama’s party at the Metropolitan Museum. And they were having fairy floss! / Luckily he still could go back […]

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Good News Week

Weekend Taliban (GNW 28/9/09: Warren)

It’s been revealed that many workers for the Afghanistan government are fighting for the Taliban on the weekends. It’s called covering your arse. / currying up to both lots of fundamentalist nutjobs. Say what you like about Hamid Karzai’s corrupt election-rigging regime, at least they give you weekends off. Though if a weekend Taliban member […]

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Good News Week

Hoff his tits (GNW 28/9/09: Warren)

David Hasselhoff was saved by his teenage daughter calling paramedics after what was reported to be a day-long vodka binge. Oh David, is there anything you can’t do? / I never knew he was so cosmopolitan! That’s why they call him the Hoff – he’s always hoff his tits. / face. He claims he wasn’t […]