Weekend Taliban (GNW 28/9/09: Warren)

It’s been revealed that many workers for the Afghanistan government are fighting for the Taliban on the weekends. It’s called covering your arse. / currying up to both lots of fundamentalist nutjobs.

Say what you like about Hamid Karzai’s corrupt election-rigging regime, at least they give you weekends off.

Though if a weekend Taliban member ends up dying in the jihadist cause, they’ll only get 20.571 virgins.

Anything to get away from the kids, eh. / Anything to get out of doing the mowing. / Anything to get away from the wife, eh.

It’s like the Army Reserve, except you get to blow away yanks!

It’s basically like going to church on a Sunday, but a lot more hands-on.

It’s either that or go fishing. And all the lakes in Afghanistan are filled with oil and blood.

They only take their improvised explosive devices to church on weekends.

Well, if you’re going to fight holy war, might as well stick to the holy days.

Of course, being the weekend, the Taliban has had to become family friendly, as the kids always insist on coming too.

It’s just a normal weekend really – mow the lawn, have a barbie with your mates, wash the car, blow it up.

Though with all the work the government’s had to do lately, many workers are having to do overtime, which is really cutting in to their overthrow of the system.

It’s understandable. Most people just don’t know which corrupt evil warlords they prefer.

It’s easy to work for the enemy on weekends. You just need to beat yourself up to the point where you can’t go into work on Monday.

In Afghanistan, a case of Mondayitis may be caused by spending the whole weekend beating yourself up for information.

It’s just like a working bee – with the sting of Allah’s wrath!

Well, every man’s gotta have a project for the weekends.

They may work for the government, but they’re secretly hoping that the Taliban win, so that they can use their weekends plotting THEIR overthrow.

And what civil servant doesn’t spend their weekends plotting to kill their boss with a roadside bomb?

So if coalition forces focus their efforts appropriately, they should be able to eliminate at least the weekday Taliban.

This is the problem with working for the Taliban – they work all week round.

While the work for the government during the week, they switch sides every Jihaturday and Talibunday.

So the Afghan government should be careful before sacking anyone they suspect of betraying them. They’ll just be giving them more days to work for the enemy.

Some government workers spend their weekdays trying to track themselves down, and their weekends foiling themselves. / escaping.

The weekend is more than enough time to make up for their five days of government work. After all, they are civil servants.

The Taliban are happy for people to just work for them on weekends. After all, Osama hasn’t done a full days work since 2001.

To fight the menace, the Afghani government has now scrapped all long weekends, and is cutting way down on sick days, public holidays, and Jihad Fridays.

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