Disco Bubs (GNW 17/8/09: 5 Second Grab)

A Sydney nightclub has just launched dance parties for parents and their young children. Baby Loves Disco is a great concept – although flared nappies can cause some real problems.

Not only is everyone at the nightclub high on Es, but As, Bs, Cs, and Ds too.

And you haven’t lived until you’ve seen someone krump to the Hokey Pokey.

At these nightclubs, people don’t offer you an E and some whizz – they offer you an ABC and a whizzy dizzy.

Of course, the wizz fizz is actually wizz fizz.

But take extreme care if you want to go in the mush pit. / I suggest you hold your nose if you plan to go in the mush pit.

The mosh pit is actually full of mosh.

Unfortunately, the bouncers keep on waking the kids at nap times. “Sorry mate, you can’t sleep here.”

Of course, it can be hard to change your kid’s nappy when they’re trying to krump.

There’s no dirty dancing – but there are dirty nappies.

At these clubs, you see posters saying “Red Cordial – you don’t know what it’ll do to you” and “Fairy bread – what’s the REAL cost?”

The tunes are picked to appeal to parents: Blondie, the Bee Gees, Michael Jackson… “Hey Grandpa, what about some Wiggles?” / “Hey DJ, aintcha ever heard of Hi-5?”

The club will play disco classics from the likes of the Bee Gees. Unfortunately it’s hard to get vaccines for Saturday Night Fever.

Despite being innoculated early on, the children still are susceptible to catching disco fever.

It’s a good way for kids to get their energy out. Previously when kids go clubbing, their siblings cop it.

Usually in Oxford Street, nappies are more of a fashion statement.

They like to shake their tushes to the Village People. They just love to do the milkshake.

One track that always slays is “Born to be Alive”. Parents and kids can all get into that nostalgia.

It’s much more fun for parents than other kids’ entertainment – there’s alcohol.

There’s also some fun to be had when the DJ mixes up the Spice Girls and Hi-5 and you have to pick which is which.

It’s perfect. The kids can go crazy on the dance floor, and their parents can just get smashed at the bar.

It’s like Saturday Night Fever, only Travolta’s doing the “hokey pokey”. / “I’m a little teapot”.

It’s one of the few places where you can go straight from Hammertime to naptime.

I don’t mind the fake tattoos, the light-up floor, or the feather boas – but the dancing-poles are going too far.

Kids can enjoy bubble machines, temporary tattoos, and a light-up dance floor – and so can the mums and dads who dropped a tab before arriving.

Kids can enjoy bubble machines, temporary tattoos, canapés, and “Baby’s First Eccy”.

At last the under-7s have somewhere they can go to pick up.

It’s a great place to pick up. Your toys.

They don’t have bouncers – the kids bounce themselves. / but they do have a bouncy castle.

Everyone puts their infants right in the centre of the room where they can be seen. Makes sense – nobody puts baby in the corner.

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