Woman Wants To Marry Enormous Ride (GNW 24/8/09: Strange But True)

A woman in Pennsylvania wants to marry a 25 metre gondola ride called “1001 Nacht”. She has a genuine fairground attraction.

After a courtship lasting over 10 years, an American woman is going to marry the love of her life – a magic carpet fairground ride. Which is a slap in the face to those who say marriage is a rollercoaster.

Despite taking over 10 years, it’s accurately described as a whirlwind romance.

She was just so proud the day she proposed and the ride agreed to give her its centripetal rotation mechanism in marriage.

Amy Wolfe, a 33-year-old church organist, has had over 3000 rides on the gondola ride called “1001 Nachts”. So she feels she’s ready for penetration.

She’s a devout Christian. So there was no way the ride was going to insert its giant mechanical arm in her until they were wed. (No matter how much it begged.)

The church organist is a devout Christian, but says there’s nothing indecent about her love for the ride. It’s not like they’re gay.

To feel closer to the ride, she carries its spare nuts and bolts. But what she’s really after is a screw.

She carries his spare parts around with her. Talk about having him by the nuts.

She’s going to change her name to Weber, after the ride’s manufacturer. And she’s hoping, one day, they’ll hear the patter of tiny meccano.

She’s changed her surname to Weber, the manufacturer of 1001 Nacht. Although of course, she really should’ve changed her surname to ‘Nacht’…

But of course, she wouldn’t be the first person to change her surname to the inanimate object of their desires – there’s Tina Arena, Jimmy Barnes, Joanna KreeplyKrawly… the list goes on.

She says that 20 years ago, when she was 13, she was “instantly attracted to him sexually and mentally”. She has a thing for the strong silent type.

She says that 20 years ago, when she was 13, she was “instantly attracted to him sexually and mentally”. Unfortunately it took 20 years to talk him around – he prefers large mechanical blondes.

It’s never going to work. She wants to be totally monogamous, but he’s a swinger.

She was going out for a while with the Tunnel of Love, but it turns out he’s gay.

It’s taken 20 years for the fairground ride to get to her Tunnel of Love.

To tell the truth, 1001 Nacht actually would prefer someone larger, more mechanical, and who shares with him his passion for hurtling people around at very high altitudes – but you know, you gotta take what you can. / beggars can’t be choosers. / no point wasting your whole life waiting for Miss Right.

To tell the truth, he’s always had his eye on the Tunnel of Love – but she’s going out with the Scenic Chairlift.

She’s a church organist, but when she marries 1001 Nacht, she’s going to stop fingering any other inanimate object.

The wedding will be awesome – her dressed to the nines in white, and him rotating people for 15 bucks a ride.

Although people won’t be allowed to throw rice – it’ll foul his machinery. / it’ll jam his mechanism.

Her family will sit on one side of the church, and on his side there’ll be the swanboat and the spinning teacups. / the three clowns who go (ahhh, turning head).

She’s hoping her wedding won’t be crashed by the dodgem cars.

It’s been an on/off relationship, depending on whether the ride was on or off.

But letting people marry rides is a slippery slope. Or at least a slippery dip.

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