Pirates vs French navy (GNW 12/10/09: 7 Days in 7 Seconds)

Somali pirates on two lightweight skiffs in the Indian Ocean stormed the French navy’s 18,000 tonne flagship. They’d obviously heard about the French navy’s fighting abilities.

Somali pirates on two lightweight skiffs in the Indian Ocean stormed what they thought was a cargo vessel, only to discover it was the French navy’s 18,000 tonne flagship. Which is a hell of a lot of flags. / Which was still worth attacking, just for the flags.

The French navy were thrilled. They figured they had a decent chance of winning!

After an hour-long chase, French forces caught one of the two skiffs. So let that be a warning to anyone planning to attack the French navy’s flagship with just one skiff.

Actually, I think that’s the first military battle that France has won since Waterloo. / Napoleon.

The pirates opened fire with Kalashnikovs, confusing the French sailors, some of whom had never seen a gun in real life.

The pirates opened fire with Kalashnikovs. Either that, or one of them coughed very loudly. (It’s hard to tell at night.)

The pirates fled, and French forces set off in pursuit, eventually catching one of the skiffs. The other pirates retreated to lick their wounds and drink the champagne.

The French navy said it was their most challenging naval battle since sinking the Rainbow Warrior.

A French navy flagship has recently caught 5 Somali pirates on a ship that had no food, no water, and no weapons. So really, they’re more like refugees. / boatpeople.

But the French military assure us they were genuine pirates, and they’ve got the doubloons to prove it. / and they’ve got the parrot to prove it. / and they’ve got the pegleg to prove it.

The French navy claim they were attacked by the pirates, who fired on them with Kalashnikovs, but when captured had no weapons at all. And it’s not like the French to just make something up to cover their own arses. (So pirates they are.)

The French navy claim they were attacked by the pirates, who fired on them with Kalashnikovs, but when captured had no weapons at all. Damn these pirates and their futuristic disappearing weaponry!

They weren’t pirates. They were just fishermen on PCP.

The 18,000 tonne navy command vessel chased the two pirate skiffs for an hour before it captured one of the boats, and the five Somalis on board. The other skiff escaped, presumably carrying all the pirate booty, the weapons, the food, the water, and the actual pirates. / and the map with the burnt edges and an X on it. / and all the evidence required to prove they were pirates.

I have my doubts they were really pirates. They had no weapons, no food or water, and only one eyepatch among the 5 of them. / and only one pegleg. / and barely went “aaaarrrr” at all.

But why are Somali pirates attacking French navy command vessels? Because they aaaarrrrrr.

They’re either incredibly stupid pirates, or incredibly violent fishermen.

The French navy captured one boat and five of the pirates. Well “pirates” sounds tougher than “dispossessed nobodies”. / Well they were well overdue to capture somebody.

The French sailors are now boasting that it proves that they can take on any enemy, no matter how massively outnumbered and under-resourced. / The French sailors are now boasting that it proves that they can take on anyone, no matter how massively outnumbered and under-resourced that enemy may be.

The pirates could see they were no match for the giant vessel, but attacked anyway. The smell of those croissants was just overwhelming!

The French were shocked when they caught the pirates that they had no water or food. Not even a single baguette! / Not even a small bowl of beef bourguignon!

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