Addictive Theatre (cut from The Glass House 7/6/06)

Melburnians are spending $15,000 funding a radio play written by accused criminals to explore their drug and alcohol addictions. The participants each received $500 cash and as much booze as they could carry.

The scheme is a way of building self-confidence and helping the addicts find employment. Because there’s no shortage of positions for playwrights!

The scheme is a way of helping the addicts move on from their addiction and find employment. Because playwrights are well known as one of the most sober and clean-living professionals… Nothing like a bit of Laudanum and Absinthe to keep you off the drugs!

If these rehab schemes weren’t paid for by taxpayers, crims would have to steal the money for their rehabilitation…

The President of the Crime Victims Support Association said “I’ve never heard of anything so ridiculous in all my life.” He obviously hasn’t seen The Da Vinci Code.

Mr Noel McNamara said “I’ve never heard of anything so ridiculous in all my life! It’s a complete waste of funds! It’s an absolute insult! It’s an absolute nonsense! The council and government are spending money like it’s going out of fashion for all these fancy causes!” I’ve got no idea what he was talking about. Sounds like neither does he.

The play is helping ex-addicts deal with their addictive pasts. Several of the crims love writing so much, they just can’t stop… just one more play, go on… I need it!

These programs are good in three ways: they enable recovering drug and gambling addicts find self-esteem and employment; they inform the public what it’s really like being trapped in a spiral of self-destruction; and they give the Herald-Sun something to write angry articles about.

It’s a ridiculous waste of taxpayer-money, funding addicts, the homeless and problem gamblers to tell their stories. That money could be funding my epic screenplay about the existential crisis of a TV comedian!

$14,800 has also been pledged to a play by problem gamblers on how gambling has ruined their lives. It’s on this week, entry just $5, with the chance of winning over 500,000!

A group of problem gamblers creating a play based on their hardships have been granted $14,800. That’s equivalent to four cherries on the Queen of the Nile machine.

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