Jumpin’ Jihad Jack & Silly bin Laden (The Glass House 6/9/06)

The federal magistrate who issued the control order on Jack Thomas has described the order’s demand that he not contact Osama bin Laden as a bit “silly”. The order also bans him from contacting Hitler, Satan or Darth Vader.

That’s so dumb! If they’d said he could contact bin Laden, we might find out where he is! / They should be encouraging him to give Osama a call!

No wonder we can’t catch Osama, we keep banning everyone from getting in touch with him.

The idea is that if we ban everyone from contacting Osama, then we just have to work out where it is that no-one contacts, and we’ll have him pegged! Current favourite hideout locations include Antarctica and Alpha Centauri.

Of course, he’s still allowed to contact any of the other bin Ladens. They’re all awesome.

They’ve placed a ban on bin Laden, a bin on ban Laden and a laden on Bin ban.

Poor old Jihad’s going to have to make do with his weekly catch-ups with Saddam Hussein, Robert Mugabe and Kim Jong-Il.

Jack has been given a list of fifty people he can’t contact, including some who are actually dead. Lucky – the last thing we want is an army of terrorist zombies.

And he’s still allowed to contact John Howard, which is great: I’m sure he’s got a few things to say…

Howard said control orders are necessary in the war on terror, because “it’s a new threat”. He said, “When we talk about war we normally think about armies crossing borders or planes, sadly, raining bombs on people.” It’s only taken him five years to figure out bombing the crap out of civilians doesn’t actually reduce terror!

Howard: “Here I was, thinking that raining bombs on innocent people was somehow reducing the terror in the world. Seems a bit dumb in hindsight.”

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