The Work Monster (The Glass House 1/11/06)

Social researcher Bernard Salt says that work has become “like some sick oozy liquid monster sliding into every space in our lives”. I reckon he should change jobs.

Remind me not to get into social research.

If he hates his job so much, the book is probably just 300 pages of him whinging.

Work is a “sick oozy liquid monster” – who’s he working for, Jabba the Hutt?

Work is a “sick oozy liquid monster” – especially if you’re employed as a sewer-cleaner / in a brothel / cleaning up vomit.

Work is a “sick oozy liquid monster – I call it Slimor, and I feed it small rodents made of mobile phones!” He’s absolutely nuts.

Work is a “sick oozy liquid monster”. He calls it “Slimor”, and feeds it bugs and mice.

Liquid monsters are deeply offended. “I’ve never made anyone do overtime!” said the Blob. / …anyone work weekends!” said the Blob.

The comments come in Bernard’s new book, “Writing This Was Like Being Devoured By A Nine-Eyed Wolf Creature From Outer Space”.

What a ridiculous statement. Everyone knows work is really a robot vampire with laser eyes.

Trouble is, if we kill the monster, we might have to deal with a sick oozy liquid monster zombie. / …we might have to deal with a sick oozy liquid monster zombie. And no-one wants to work those hours.

Technological advances that were supposed to free us up are now allowing work to creep in to our free time. Work colleagues can contact us at any time by mobile phone, we can use the web to research on the weekend, and you still have to deal with that slime-monster staining your carpets and devouring your children.

In the past workers were measured by their observance of work protocols, but now people are being judged by their deliverables – especially couriers.

Salt says “we need to get into the cage with a whip and chair and tame the work beast into behaving.” Good news for dominatrixes / the S&M industry.

Salt says “we need to get into the cage with a whip and chair and tame the work beast into behaving.” Great, now I don’t just have a 60 hour week, I’ve got to spend more time whipping beasts.

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