Model Spies (Good News Week 25/2/08: Odd One Out)

Seven models will act as spies and report in other models who have eating disorders or are being bullied. They’ll be like Charlie’s Angels, but without all the kickboxing, karate, gadgetry, explosions and other things that actually make it interesting. / but with four extra girls who just stand around looking pretty.

Of course, their idea of an eating disorder is eating.

Seven top models at London Fashion Week will act as spies to expose anorexia, bullying and forced nudity. They’re numbered double-0-1 to double-0-7 and are licensed to bitch.

Seven top models at London Fashion Week will act as spies to report any anorexia or forced nudity. Anyone not reported gets kicked out of the Models’ Guild.

Top models at London Fashion Week will act as spies to report on anorexia and forced nudity. And preferably take photos.

Forced nudity is a big problem in the fashion world, with many top models actually refusing to do it.

They’ve got the most fashionable trenchcoats in town. / most fashionable flakjackets in town.

Models get all the cool jobs… first they got to be super, now they get to be spies!

They were thinking of using supermodels to do the spying, but they’re busy saving the world.

They had to use regular models, because the supermodels were already busy saving the world – from evil mastermodels.

The spying job is no big deal: they’ve just got to make sure no-one’s barfing in the loos when they’re supposed to be doing drugs.

They just have to make sure that models aren’t sneaking in a quick spew while they’re in the cubicles. Unfortunately undercover work can get a little messy.

So far, the spies have been easy to pick. They’re the only models with spew in their hair. / whose hairstyle includes tiny little chunks of carrot.

The spies also have to report anyone not doing their drugs, not dating a footballer or a musician, and anyone attempting to finish high-school. / anyone applying for the Nobel Peace Prize.

They’re trying to cut out anorexia and bulimia among the modelling world, afraid of the example it sets to teenage girls worldwide. But in doing that, they’re also taking away the only thing that made anorexics feel good about themselves! Think of the anorexics! / But in doing that, they’re taking away one of the highest paying jobs an anorexic can have!

Models are ideal for spying. It’s one of the few jobs where it’s good to like horse-riding and meeting people.

The CIA is thinking of acquiring some of these spy-models to use in espionage, anti-terrorism, and modelling the latest in formalwear.

And they’re the perfect agent for disabling a frock-bomb. / defusing a cluster-gown. / surviving chemical formalwear.

And they’re the perfect agent for dealing with booby-traps.

Another thing that makes spy-models so good is they can slide right under doors. / hide in a box of toothpicks. / hide behind broom-handles.

The main problem with models as spies is that they keep using the secret camera to take photos of themselves.

It’s good training for when their facelifts drop and they have to work for ASIO.

It’s easy to spot a model spy – she’s the one who’s able to operate a dictaphone.

One notable model spy was a blonde. Jane Blonde.

Once they’ve finished spying on their fellow models, the spies’ next job will be to seduce a certain Mr Bond.

The model spies were said to be “Shagadelic, baby!”

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