MP wage freeze (Good News Week 3/3/08: What’s the Story?)

Kevin Rudd and Brendan Nelson have agreed on an 18 month pay freeze for all Parliamentarians. It’s all very well for Rudd to freeze his salary when he just got a $100,000 raise for becoming PM. Plus the enormous raise in POWER.

Kevin Rudd and Brendan Nelson have agreed on an 18 month pay freeze for all Parliamentarians. Rudd said he was having so much fun running the country, he was happy for politicians not to be paid at all! Woohoo!

Of course by becoming PM and Opposition Leader, Rudd and Nelson have just both had big raises, over $100,000 for Rudd. Still, it’s nice to see they’re being so generous and restrained.

Kevin’s showing great restraint by putting a wage freeze on himself. He also asked Therese to not increase his pocket money.

Kevin’s showing great restraint by putting a wage freeze on himself. And from now, he’ll pay for his own Vovos.

Rudd’s trying to put downward pressure on interest rates, and hopes corporate CEOs will also exercise wage restraint. But bank and real estate agent CEOs have got to do something with all this extra money.

The move is the first indication that Rudd will be prepared to stand up to unions on wage hikes. At least if he’s the head of the union in question.

The Prime Minister is calling for politicians’ wages to be frozen for 18 months, and, in Dr Nelson’s case, the politicians themselves.

Of course, “Ironbar” Tuckey is a prime example of a politician who’s been frozen in time since the 1950’s.

Freezing their wages for 18 months is a great idea – that way, we’re all one year richer than they are! Take that, pollies – you may have way more money than us, but we get an extra year!

Mr Rudd wants politicians to lead by example. That’s why now, out on the streets, you’ll see everyone all desperately competing to see who can be most like Mr Rudd and Dr Nelson.

Of course, there’s little use in leading by example if no-one wants to be like you.

Mr Rudd wants politicians to lead by example. Look Kev, I think we can find our own way into the unstoppable apocalyptic era of global doom, thanks anyway.

Mr Rudd wants politicians to lead by example. And it’s working – that’s why now, instead of having a chat over dinner, families have Question Time.

Rudd earns over three hundred thousand dollars a year, so he’s really just rubbing it in – “I’m so rich I don’t even want a pay rise”.

Many detractors say Mr Rudd is only able to offer such a wage freeze because his wife is a millionaire. We approached Ms Rein for comment, but she was too busy snorting caviar off the chests of her man-slaves. / but she was too busy kicking lollypops out of the hands of homeless kiddies. / but she was too busy rolling around in her piles of cash.

In further signs of restraint, Rudd has vowed to stop lighting cigars with hundred dollar bills.

One Liberal MP was unimpressed with the pay freeze, saying “Keep this up and you’ll fill the Parliament up with millionaires, creeps and drongos.” And then the Liberal Party will have no distinguishing features.

One Liberal MP was unimpressed with the pay freeze, saying “Keep this up and you’ll fill the Parliament up with millionaires, creeps and drongos.” Which is funny, because that’s actually the dictionary definition of “politicians”.

One anonymous Liberal MP was unimpressed with the pay freeze, saying “Keep this up and you’ll fill the Parliament up with millionaires, creeps and drongos.” Just at a guess, would that be Anony “Ironbar” Mous?

You wouldn’t want to fill the Parliament up with millionaires, creeps and drongos. Much better to just have politicians.

Let me get this right. If you lower the wages politicians are paid, you just end up with millionaires in Parliament. If we increase the wages of politicians, everyone in Parliament becomes millionaires. But at least they’re millionaires at the taxpayer’s expense.

It’s pretty clear what the Liberal MP’s saying. He wants to be a millionaire.

Of course Liberals are much more hurt by the pay freeze, particularly as many have just suffered a giant pay cut. Tony Abbott for instance took a $90,000 pay cut. There’s no joke, I just like saying it.

Tony Abbott has complained, saying it’s “all very well for politicians who have other sources of income or have very high income from their spouses”. Poor Tony, sitting at home in his bare one-bedroom flat, trying to warm his cold cold hands by the heat of a candle, surviving on old baked beans and cask wine – what a knob.

Tony Abbott has complained, saying it’s “all very well for politicians who have other sources of income”. Because many politicians have to work part-time cleaning jobs just to feed their families.

It’s going to be hard for politicians to adjust. Eating the second-most expensive caviar, riding in cut-price limousines, and being forced to leave their chandeliers un-dusted – it’s going to be real tough.

The wage freeze is to take place despite Rudd’s plan to make the House of Representatives sit an extra day each week. But on the extra day they will be allowed to keep any money thrown in their hat when they’re speaking.

Rudd’s request to have politicians working on Fridays has also copped criticism. “Fridays? But that’s half-price day at the Fox and Willow!” / “A five-day week? Are you mad?” / That only leaves the weekend for shooting pheasants and serf-beating.

This would be the first time since Federation that pollies are expected to work a five-day week. But fair enough – those chairs they sit on can get pretty uncomfortable. / having to say “Mr Speaker” the whole time can get really tiring. / the job may not be hard, or sweaty, or laborious, but it’s boring as fuck.

Not only does he want to freeze wages to counteract rising inflation, but he’s discovered a great way to save money is to cut Parliament’s spending on green-and-gold tracksuits.

Politicians freeze their wages by keeping their wallets in their jacket pockets, close to their cold cold hearts.

I’m a big fan of freezing our politicians’ wages. That way, when they get it, it’s really really cold. Brrrrr. That’ll teach them.

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