Girly gangs (Good News Week 10/3/08: 3.5 Corners)

In Chelles, east of Paris, police arrived at a bus station to find about 100 girls aged between 14 and 17 engaged in a fierce battle with knives, screwdrivers, sticks and teargas. Several of their boyfriends were nearby, hiding behind their manbags.

And you should see the carnage if two of the girls wear the same outfit! / bring the same switchblade!

It’s amazing what damage you can do with a well-aimed lipstick and a can of Rexona.

They’re using teargas on each other! And as a spray-on deodorant that keeps them fresh all day long.

So don’t call a French girl ugly or they could get really ugly.

And if you think that sounds violent, you should see the boys. They’ll beat you senseless with their handbags.

Some girls were armed with self-defence sprays containing a form of teargas. Girls who couldn’t get the teargas came armed with really sad chick flicks.

These gangs know just how important it is to colour-coordinate your shoes with your machete.

They make the Cripps and Bloods look like so last season.

The girls all go to the same college, but the gangs come from different towns. It was sort of like the Narre Warren scrags versus the scrags from Narre Warren East. And we all know what happened there.

The trouble started when one of the girls from Noisiel started hanging around the boys from Meaux, and the Meaux girls decided to put a stop to it. They like to keep the gene pool exclusive.

The Meaux girls wanted to stop the Noisiel girls from chatting up the Meaux guys. Some of them have all their original teeth.

One of the Noisiel girls was pretending to be a Meaux so she could chat to the Meaux guys. She was a faux-Meaux.

One of the Noisiel girls was chatting to the Meaux guys. And that is such a Meaux-pas.

The fight has become known as the Battle of Chelles Bus Station. Well, it’s no sillier than the War of the Roses.

One day, these girls will be able to tell their grandkids that they fought in the Battle of Chelles Bus Station, from which no-one was left standing, at least after the 4:06 to Meaux left.

A policeman said the 100-plus girl fight was full on. And best of all, free!

Boys don’t have to worry about “girl germs” in Paris – but they do have to watch out for getting the living shit beaten out of them.

You don’t “run like a girl” in Paris – you run from the girls.

Sugar and spice and teargas in eyes, that’s what little girls are made of.

Chelles is a tough area. Girls are bound to pick up violent gang behaviour like this from their mothers. / grandmas.

Gucci are now bringing out a handbag with built-in scabbard. / are now bringing out a range of gas-masks.

If you break up with one of these girls, so do your bones. / so does your face.

These teenage girls are out fighting with kitchen knives, when they should be using them for chopping up vegies to make dinner for hubby. It’s appalling.

Well, that’s it. Armed teenage girls means we’re all dead. It’s just a matter of time.

She stabs she-Chelles by the sea shore…

French women do have to be much more aggressive, what with the men doing all that cheese-eating, beret-wearing and general poncing about.

Not only are French girls becoming more aggressive than the men, they’re also growing much curlier moustaches.

See, if the French had’ve agreed to attack Iraq they wouldn’t have all this pent-up aggression!

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