Drip-me-up (Good News Week 16/6/08: 3 1/2 Corners)

Hungover Japanese workers are turning to an intravenous drip to get them through the workday. It costs as little as 20 bucks for an intravenous pick-me-up, and in fact it’s also the cheapest way to get drunk the night before.

Nothing says “hard worker” better than trackmarks. / bruised veins.

The Japanese are famous for being overworked, and many also spend the nights drinking with the boss, colleagues or clients. Some are now just going out for a night on the drip instead.

They’re so popular, many Japanese restaurants now not only have a corkage fee, but a charge for your IV needle. / now not only have a wine list, but an IV list. / now have lists for both vino and intravino.

Despite a lack of promotion, some workers come in for a drip treatment three or four times a week. Some of them come because they’re borderline alcoholics, while others are more dripaholics.

Once upon a time, puncture marks on an employee’s arm would have been cause for the boss to worry. Now it just means they’re committed to the job.

And if you’ve had a big night on intravenous drugs, you can reuse the puncture mark to cure it.

According to the article, users feel like it’s “not very healthy” and “not a long term plan”. But why not? Nutrition without overeating, feeling energised whenever you want, and being attended to by spunky Japanese nurses, and all for 20 bucks! Where’s my ticket to Japan?

Ah, Japan. Before long, they’ll be able to climb out of their tiny little sleeping cubicle, shoot up with breakfast, and ride their robot to work. And Australia’s still trying to make a living shearing sheep. / herding animals around. / digging stuff out of the ground.

Instead of having a cuppa or a smoko, Japanese workers are now having their pick-me-up intravenously. The hardest part is getting the cigarette into the vein. / teabag into the vein. / is stirring in the sugar.

Drip treatment gives you a nice long smoko without having to talk to your workmates.

The cheapest 10 minute drip is called the Basic Pack, and is basically saline solution mixed with vitamins. They also provide a beautification pack, a business pack, and, for thrillseekers, a pack that is entirely made of wasabi.

The next step is to make the drip taste like sushi, and the Japanese will never have to leave their work-cubicle!

The Yakuza have also got a special I.V. pack – called the “Poison I.V.” It’s pretty full-on the first time, but it grows on you…

Wow. If only we had injectable drugs.

The Basic Pack includes a saline solution and vitamins B6, B12 and C. Get one three times daily and you can stop eating altogether.

Yes, drips! The energy rush of cocaine, combined with the bruising skin-piercing of heroin!

A drip is the best way to consume a Red Bull, as it avoids the unpleasant side effect of taste.

The doctors at the clinic have been surprised at the popularity of the drips. They’re almost through all that leftover Red Bull.

Of course the drips aren’t addictive. It’s just that if you stop taking them, you’ll die.

It’s especially convenient for hospital workers. They can just borrow a drip from a patient.

Instead of a smoko, many Japanese are nipping off to get an intravenous drip in their arm so smoke can be injected directly.

A drip can make meetings go much better, so long as you remember to detach it first.

Leave a Reply