Superman for President (Good News Week 20/10/08: What’s the Story)

The life stories of John McCain and Barack Obama are being portrayed in comic book form! At last people don’t have to read those stuffy old newspapers to get their politics. / An alternative news source to those who find TV too shallow and newspapers too wordy. / poorly inked.

That’s what we need – MORE media saturation about these people!

Clearly, there just wasn’t enough coverage of these people in the regular media.

So there’s news reports, political advertising, books, documentaries and now comics about the wannabe US presidents, but I won’t be happy until there’s a softdrink. / a happy-meal tie-in. / a range of designer clothes.

It’s great to finally see comics that aren’t about mutants with amazing superpowers, but instead concentrate on ordinary people who we really don’t give a shit about.

The comics may not have superpowers or mutant arch-villains, but they’re chock-full of boring factual detail!

And what better subjects for the exciting world of comic books, than politicians! Woo!

No wonder American presidents are being turned into comic book heroes. After all, they’ll one day be in control of the world’s only real superpower…

Obama’s comic portays him as a community organiser sitting around a kitchen table, listening to residents. That’s right! He’s Super-organiser! More organised than a speeding bullet! A better listener than a locomotive! Able to delegate responsibility for community issues in a single quorum! / single… kitchen… table… Actually, I’m starting to see why they’d vote for the war hero and the spunky moose-hunter.

Obama’s comic portays him as a community organiser – THWACK! – sitting around a kitchen table – BLAMMO! – listening to residents. KAPOW! Just another day in the Exciting Adventures of Barack!

McCain’s comic tells of his capture and detention in Vietnamese prisoner-of-war camp. It’s got everything: torture, devastating solitude, malnutrition… but at least the ending’s happy. Except that he loses the election. (Ah well, you can’t have everything.)

McCain’s comic tells of his capture and detention in Vietnamese prisoner-of-war camp. It’s got everything: torture, devastating solitude, malnutrition, winning the US election, 2 weeks later dying from old-age…

Covering his time as a POW, McCain’s story is by far the more exciting. Although it’s strange that he stayed in the camp so long. I mean, why didn’t he just beat up the baddies and fly away?

McCain’s comic portrays his days in Vietnam, being beaten in a prisoner-of-war camp. A soldier getting captured and beaten in a war they lost – he’s the all-American hero!

While the McCain comic details his life-or-death battles in the Vietnam War, the Obama one focuses on his role as a community organiser, sitting around a kitchen table listening to residents. But it’s no less exciting – apparently, the milk was almost past its use-by date!

Super McCain – with the power to distance himself from recent corruption allegations in a single bound!

The McCain story is about a senile old codger who, when he gets bitten by a radioactive spider, transforms into a fit and healthy leader of one of the world’s most powerful country! He’s just hoping that spider bites before the election…

Obama transforms into The Albino Chameleon – able to act just like one of the rich honky elite, even though he’s actually black!

Obama transforms into The Cocoanut – he’s black on the outside, but inside he’s as white as the KKK.

Apparently McCain was a normal man until he was bitten by a radioactive pensioner.

Apparently Obama was a normal man until he was bitten by a radioactive Sidney Portier.

Obama and McCain battle fantastic super-enemies like Dr Octopus, The Green Goblin, and Osama bin Laden.

The company tried to stay neutral as it told the stories of both senators. Although Obama is the bad guy.

The comic-book writers tried to stay neutral as they told the stories of both senators. So they told the tale of John McCain, POW war hero, and the story of Barack Obama, some guy who chinwags in suburbia. Totally balanced.

The company tried to stay neutral as it told the stories of Super Mac and the Black Menace.

I just hope the recent Hollywood trend doesn’t mean these comics will ever be made into movies… though I bet Michael Moore can’t help himself.

George W Bush has his own comic, which he consults for foreign policy.

In a shocking plot twist, it turns out that George Dubya Bush is actually the Joker!

Palin also gets a supporting role as Wonder Woman. People wonder if she’s a woman – or a pitbull crossed with a fantasy librarian.

Osama bin Laden’s disappointed that he still hasn’t got his own comic. He was looking forward to being an arch-villian for real.

They’re thinking of releasing a special edition where the candidates fight: “Big Mac versus Obamaman”! They have three quite civil debates, then there’s an exciting scene where everybody in America goes into a little booth, and finally one man triumphs and the other one is vanquished to the Senate. The Senate I say!

The comic of whoever wins the election is going to become a great collector’s item! And the loser’s one, well that’ll be worth less than dirt, but that’s the risk you take. / And the loser’s comic will be a devastating reminder of what might have been as the world goes to Hell with the other guy in charge.

They’re a must-buy for all Americans. After all, when you’re plunged into a decade-long depression, lose your job and are forced to live on the street, they’ll be great for keeping you warm.

Now who do you think they’ll vote for to see them through the next depression? The skilled listener and organiser, or the guy in khaki? Please, America, surprise me.

Now who do you think they’ll vote for to see them through the next depression? The skilled listener and organiser, or the white war veteran? Please, America, surprise me.

The real twist is, they don’t know it yet, but whoever wins the election is actually going to have to defeat The Penguin. / Lex Luthor. / Doctor Doom. / those three baddies from Superman 2.

They’ve also released a Sarah Palin comic. No, hang on, that’s Playboy.

Leave a Reply